Tuesday, February 28, 2006

A Cut-off Place

...is the best place.

Or, as far as the Indians were concerned. Land that was already cleared, they could build on, without a lot of extra hassle. So they found such a place, & the great chief, Chief Absolutely Zero Creativity, named it, in the imaginative way of the Indians--Cut-off Place. Or Teqi La.

We, as caring, well rounded home-schoolers, took all our kids out on a field trip yesterday, on a very educational and scientific excursion, to a town named Tequila.

What do you mean 'what?' It's a quiet rural town where they weave clothes and stuff, and make tortillas and... ...and tequila and stuff.

Figures, huh? That they'd invent tequila in a town named exactly the same thing. What are the odds? I'm just glad they didn't invent it in the neighbouring town of Ixtzalincanztsunapnompan. Whew, if they had, we would've had to drive ten minutes further away and man, that car was stifling.

So... what do you DO in a tequila factory anyway? Well, us conniving adults knew exactly what.

You make sure your kids get the best possible education about the culture of the land you live in. We consider it of top importance to get to know the heart of the people. Next week we're going to 'Marijuana,' another small rural town south of here.

In the name of superior education I had 7 shots, & 1 margarita. Miracles happened in that place. For instance, I was able to walk back to the car.

We were surrounded by a multi-national crowd of happy tourists, who just got happier and happier as the tour went on. They must have seen the light in our childrens' eyes.

Well, thank you Joy, for a fun day out. We owe you one. And thank You for the funny little things that Your freedom and flexibility allow us, even if we look crazy to the rest of the world...

...with a little help.


Photos! Click here.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The Lightbulb Question.

(NOTE: If you were referred here by a strange comment on your webpage or in your email, unfortunately that was placed by someone who does not like me and is trying to take this post out of context to hurt you. May I suggest we use this odd coincidence to have some fun instead? Here look at this one, it's fun! --Ur Beautiful. Or this one! --So Last Night Was Healthy After All.)


yay! i'm being evil apostate bashed! this is so much fun. i've been wanting 2 get bashed by evil apostates 4 a long time.
well, i have 1 thing 2 say.
wait. do i ever have only 1 thing 2 say?

okay. i know! how many evil apostates does it take 2 change a lightbulb? well let's see.

5 to murmur about how lightbulbs were abused in the Family sometime in the past.

5 to make a website proving that evil apostates r actually lightbulbs' friends.

5 to go thru the life w/ grandpa's & find naked pictures of lightbulbs.

5 to make powerpoint presentations showing how the artists didn't invent the lightbulb! those pictures of naked lightbulbs were actually copied, thus disproving prophecy once & 4 all!

5 to write letters 2 all of the lightbulb's siblings 2 show the lack of freedom of lightbulbs in the Family.

3 to try to convince lightbulbs everywhere that thomas edison doesn't exist.

2 to find & twist out of context any references 2 lightbulbs being "turned on" in the letters.

2 to convince policemen all around the world to raid Family Homes at the crack of dawn & remove all lightbulbs from their sockets, 2 a safer environment.

2 to go on tv shows & talk about the high electricity bills in Family Homes, & what this means 4 the emotional mistreatment of the lightbulbs.

30 to work at mcdonalds fulltime 2 support all the murmurers.

1 to carry a butchers knife & a shotgun in case the lightbulb doesn't comply w/ being changed.

and 1 to realize that heck, they don't want the lightbulb changed anyway, they prefer working in darkness.

hmmm: 66!

& aren't i self-righteous?


Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Oh my God, oh my God.

fine, i'm jumping on the publicity bandwagon too:

i'm pregnant, i'm pregnant, oh jesus i'm pregnant!!

& so i was standing there & i put my arm around some1 & i said guess what, i'm gonna have a baby! then i slapped them.

there, now do i get 25 biltillion comments in 10 minutes? sheesh, it's not fair.


hmmm very funny. just kidding all u hot pg moms, u know i lv u 2 pieces.
by the way, it's ben's.

uh... the idea, not the baby.


Tuesday, February 14, 2006


We're chocolates biggest fantasy... the pro-Valentines!!

Ah, but we do love the Day of Love in our Home. Look at the beauty one of our JTs' boyfriend sent over 4 her today! This is Teresa, whose amazing vocal talents u can find in God's Like That. She just had her 15th birthday day before yesterday, the 12th. Happy Birthday, Teresa!!!
(she is freaking sitting beside me right now monitoring every word i type 2 make sure it is what she wants. she has a stranglehold on the media that goes out of this Home. she will shoot me if i do anything wrong, & then laugh at my dead body. she is a dictator. propaganda!! doublespeak!!!!!)

Anyway, me, I'm jealous. the world is whipped into a frothy pink frenzy around me and all i get is some offline messages w/ smilies in them. well, i shalln't give up! the day is not past! viva love!

how foolish of me 2 overlook that besides all the cursed smilies, i also got a real smile from a beautiful woman, which makes it all worthwhile. tx, ely!!

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Watergirl Party.

okay, i figure if i can drive the singing group around one-handedly all night, i can type up something.
we had a party. ya! an aquarius party, in honour of teresa. drinks, strobe, punk music. y don't i just put up a video? see? i'm showing goodwill--the will 2 type. but a picture is worth a thousand words and a video at least a million. u will b appeased, i'll try 2 make it fun. maybe even a few shirtless clips for dave the negative barbarian!


Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Judgment Day.

A new video. The retribution.
Remember, if you like the video, feel free to link to it.


Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Eight? That's All I get?

Forget it! I got more to say on this subject than eight.

And only one arm to type it with...


Tagged by the Haven, I have to write eight traits about my perfect partner, tell if they are male or female, then tag eight other people to do this. But stick to eight? Yeah, right. Here is an email on the subject, which I jotted down a zillion years ago (like... four. at least). Most of it I still agree with, and anyway it saves me having to T Y P E.

Dear (Name Removed),
None of this is directed to you, at you, or at anyone. This is not a sermon or a dream of mine, this is reality as it comes. Let's see what comes.
Humour! Humour includes knowing when NOT to FORCE a laugh because there are some jokes that are just meant for rolling eyes and are not supposed to be laughed at at all.
I look for a girl who has a bit of life to her and can be extreme and weird, or at least let me be extreme and weird if I need to. I look for confidence in herself but not pride. A girl who doesn't hate how she looks for crying out loud and doesn't complain about how fat she is, because I think she looks great. A girl who doesn't bury herself in workout videos for HOURS and has a good or at least a passionate taste in music, because music is life to me.
A girl who is sophisticated but not withdrawn, but happy, who knows how to smile, laugh, especially at herself. A girl who doesn't mind going to the mall once in a while to have fun, hang out, but is not OBSESSED by it. A girl who knows what she is talking about when she talks, but not so into talking nor learning about the things she talks about that she doesn't know when to stop and kick back.
A girl who can run around barefoot outside, hunt for four leaf clovers or dandelions even if it's raining. A girl who appreciates avidly. Who doesn't try to be artistic unless she has something to offer the art world. A girl who's not afraid to sing, no matter how bad she is or thinks she is, but also knows when to just NOT sing, please.
A girl who can forgive me when I am a creep and believe that I will forgive her when she is one and admits it. A girl who won't be ashamed to be seen making out in public, but doesn't demand it as a test of my loyalty to her. A girl who is not obsessed by sex and doesn't think that I am (hmmm, must've been a long time ago. jk), but knows which end is up and is not afraid to try new things.
A girl who doesn't mind staying up till dawn, talking, every once in a while. But not always, but knows when a guy needs his rest. A girl that you can sleep with--just sleep with--and not be too timid to say that you're too hot or too cold.
God, I could go on for days.
A girl that is not afraid or embarrassed or reluctant to tell her friends, her parents, her ex, that we care for each other, if we do, and one that when you look across a crowded room at her, she is looking back. A girl who doesn't spend hours on her hair, her face, but knows how to put on makeup when warranted, in a way that is consistently her own. It doesn't have to be good, vogue, discreet, even matching, it just has to be her own, that she is proud of. A girl that dresses to kill but doesn't whine about dresses.
And please, I know I mentioned it already but a sense of humour is so important. There is hardly a single girl on this planet who has a sense of humour. Now I can see a million girls out there screaming in protest but honestly, to most women, humour is immaturity. And speaking of honesty, please, please, there is almost nothing more important than honesty. Honesty mixed with tact if possible, but if not, then just honesty. You hate my hairstyle, I'm singing off key, your ex had a bigger dick than me, you are extremely depressed and suicidal. It may not matter to me or be any of my business, but I will care about it if you do (if I care about you), so be honest!! --And we'll work something out!
A girl who knows that both me and her are not perfect, don't think we are, will never be, and is okay with that. A girl that doesn't mind being swept off her feet occasionally and enjoys sweeping me off my feet every once in a while.
But you know what more than any of all that, which is fleeting, a girl who is dedicated to the same things, cause, Person, that I am and is proud of it. A girl that is not going to do things deliberately that will weaken her or condemn her. A girl that can be trusted, alone, on the internet. A girl who is not ashamed of saying that she is madly in love with a concept.
A girl who would give her life for the important people in her life. Hmm.


And, feeling sly and suicidal, I shall tag eight people who will want to kill me.
Anita (ahem.. uh.. it's.. alphabetical!), Joan (stretch..), Sherri (I'm super interested), Alyx (become famous!!), Teresa (sorry, you'll just have to open a blog), Mel (you'll just finally have to post), and... Charlotte "Mouth" deGaalon (send it to me and I'll post it). Who is interested in what men think anyway?

Sunday, February 05, 2006

For Righteousness' Sake.

Remember, if you enjoy the video please feel free to link to it.


Saturday, February 04, 2006

Some Complications.

The police arrive first.

I would shake your hand, but there are some complications.

Ben finally finds us.

I would give a high five, but there are some complications.

John is close behind.

I would love to hug you, but there are a few complications.

Wrap tightly.

I would give you a hand, but I've got some complications.

Dan asks how I feel.

I would thumbs up, except for the complications.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006


I sleep with a teddy bear.

One of the things I just thought you should know.

It's cause all my friends are so far far away right now.

Anyway, he is a little naked yellow Winnie the Pooh. I call him Sham Pooh. He is snuggly. I think a hand-me-down from one of Godfrey and Spring's children. I really like him. He puts me to sleep.

So, that said, I actually wanted to tell you something else. But you can't put teddy bears in second place.