Monday, September 26, 2011

How to Make Love to a Friend - Part Four: Dangers

Part Four: Dangers
If you missed the other parts in this series, you can find them at the following links:
Part 1: Eros
Part 2: Philos
Part 3: Agape

Here are a few of the most common dangers that can rear their ugly heads when making love to a friend. Most of these dangers occur not while what is happening still has anything to do with friendship but when either or both of you allow the wonderful thing you have to twist into something else. When your normal human insecurities stand up and insist that you protect yourself by snatching as much control of your friend as you can finagle. That is what will put the poison into your piƱata.

Ignore the urge to move in with your friend and start a magical life together. It is when you give in to the impulses that begin to drag you down this path that things inevitably begin to turn sour. Possessive thoughts that begin with "my" (my baby, my man, my princess - even "us" actually means "my") will slit the throat of the goose that is laying gold for you right now.

Friends do not belong to each other; they simply enjoy each other. They don't try to manipulate each other into giving them more. They are thrilled when they are in each other's company, and they live and let live when they are apart.

If you can at all fathom it, encourage your friend to sleep with other people. Friends don't exclude their friends - from themselves or from the rest of life. Exclusivity is the enemy of friendship. It will rot your friendship faster than almost anything else. Do whatever you have to to avoid it and to avoid wanting it.

The main reason why the kind of friendship I describe is so rare is because people are greedy by nature. We can't help it. We want it all, and we want it right now. We want to own things and people, and we don't care what it does to them. We want our little kingdom with at least one subject who fauns over us, clings to us, and sits beside us on our bed at night tapping away on their laptop.

You can't help it. This is who you are as a human being. Anytime there is a self, there is a tendency to want to put that self first. (Lewis, 1943)

My only advice to you is to try to focus your greed in any other direction than your priceless friendships. Take it out on a stuffed animal, a musical instrument, a puppy, or even money if you must. Wrap your voracious, clutching arms around the necks of these items and drag them into your world to stay. Be greedy for things if it helps you simply sit back and enjoy your friendship. If you can't sheathe the sword, at least remove it from your friend's throat.

As hard as it may be to hear, often the best way to be cured of the disease of wanting only one person all for yourself (one-itis) is to learn to want other people. Think about that for a bit. When you learn to open yourself up and leave yourself open to the amazing world full of amazing people around you, you will lead an amazing life.

This concludes the How to Make Love to a Friend exclusive special feature of this blog. Visit us regularly for new breakthroughs, trends, and tips that will improve your sex life.

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At 6:17 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow joe. You will die alone!

At 6:45 pm, Anonymous joe said...

as opposed 2 slowly rotting 2 death in sum1 else's arms for 50 years..i'll take my chances. actually i will die surrounded by friends and lovers only a phone call away instead of loathed by the woman sleeping in my own bed.

marriage, i should mention, is an entirely different story, and if u can make it wurk, do it! still, there's no reason 2 cling 2, possess, or exclude even ur own spouse. a family functions better when it has room 2 breathe.

At 8:28 am, Anonymous Robert A. Heinlein said...

In case you don`t already know:

At 9:28 am, Anonymous joe said...

thank u robert a. heinlein that is brilliant!
oh and i loved the part in starship troopers where the girl takes her shirt off..

At 7:24 pm, Blogger mClay said...

you forgot to add that key element of not agreeing to a relationship. That would clear up a lot to. When you just want to be friends with benefits you really have to specify instead of trying to make your girlfriend feel stupid for caring about you and chances are if she has any self respect she wont.
If you can clear that up for yourself the rest will be self explanatory.
And Joe, I get called a princes because I am one :*


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