Friday, January 27, 2006

Find A Woman.

When the Mormons (Latter Day Saints) were under siege in Utah by the FBI for their polygamous practices, death threatened on every side and the sky pitch black, their prophets did a very smart thing. They took refuge in their holiest temple while a standoff was being maintained, and they connived. No one saw them for days. When they finally emerged it was with a brand new revelation from their deceased spiritual leader. No one was surprised: polygamy was no longer part of his idea of the Mormon utopia and all practices were to be discontinued at once. This was written up in no uncertain terms in an abridged version of their statutes and adhered to strictly. The FBI grinned and left. The Church of the Latter Day Saints is currently skirmishing with the Jehovah's Witnesses for first place as the largest new religious movement in the world.

Adapt.

ALPOW is back.

You didn't really think we would give up for long, did you?

This is a brand new ALPOW, the restructured version. There have been a few changes. They are listed briefly below. Our mission is still the same: find a woman, give an orgasm.

I have discovered that our agents, no matter how numerous, cannot be everywhere at once. We must rely on more than physical means to accomplish our goals, that of giving women orgasms. Although we would like nothing more than to be right there, a large part of our efforts will have to be motivation-oriented. It is a beautiful thing when a woman is sexually inspired and confident, there is nothing more pleasing to a man's eyes. It is all about WANT. If you WANT to, you will find your path, by any means possible. It is now our focus to inspire that WANT.

This we will attempt to do by any means possible. Building confidence (there is something absolutely stunning about you, I know it, and I will find it), building fantasies (the most sexually stimulating thing is your mind: let it wander), building anticipation (looking forward is half the fun: anticipate enough and you will make a way for it to happen), building inspiration (the spark that lights the fuse). We believe that we live in a sexually twirling world. We breathe sexy air. We will look deep into your eyes and you will know what we are thinking. If your eyes are unavailable, we will find a way to reach you. Chatting sexy, posting sexy, even through our prayers (the keys of pleasure).

Arousal: the new ALPOW.

We have also opened a male service branch.

Oh yes, I believe that is a necessary part, although one that I will not be involved in. I have allied with Elisabeth deGaalon, and she will be heading up this subdivision of ALPOW. Please address any male-related requests to Liz at our same email address, the.alpow@gmail.com

Official and unofficial members of ALPOW, both branches, your job from here out is to be as sexy as possible. Create confidence through compliments, build fantasies, use whatever means necessary.
Inspire desire. That is your job. To inspire desire in a woman is a sacred thing. Be creative. Remember the mind is where it begins; you must arouse her mind.

Joe.

18 Comments:

At 11:01 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice. a gathering of whores.

 
At 11:55 am, Anonymous mom said...

You really are a son of mine--ha! Good work!
Love you!

 
At 5:31 pm, Blogger Liz said...

wow. I had no idea you would give me THAT large a responsibility. is this Men who can't achieve release?
ha ha. nervous chuckle.
I'll have to go into my temple and deliberate.

 
At 5:32 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

True or false
Aquarius Men
Never treats a woman like a sex object and prefers a variety of foreplay before getting down to it. May have be to revved up, but once his engine is started, he is free and inventive with amazing persistence. He will always see you through to climax. A woman who knows what she wants will be very happy. He usually ensures an orgasm twice-- once orally and once genitally.

*Erogenous zones: gently touching the calves and ankles will get him going. Be careful though-a kinky Aquarian can be a sadist who doesn't like to be denied!

 
At 5:38 pm, Anonymous Gio. said...

You're a very believable liar, Joe. Or, rather than liar, "contagious imaginist".

She even re-searched about your sun-sign.

Answer: Knowing... uhh, Aquarious Joe, false.

Heh heh.

Gio.

 
At 5:51 pm, Anonymous Nina said...

Um yeah...joe would be a virgo. VIRGO people. I know he lies...get over it.

 
At 6:13 pm, Blogger Liz said...

oh joe, i think you've got a very urgent AL-POW need up at the top;)

 
At 6:58 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

so Joe are you going to find me ...and please me? Being that i am a woman and am therefore desperate for what you have to offer...heh

 
At 10:05 pm, Anonymous Administrator said...

Wow. True with a capital T. I am amazed--ask Jessica. Some would say almost too much foreplay.
And it's true--you have to know what you want. That is so imperative.

Liz: who would that be--my mom, or my sister?

Joe.

 
At 12:55 am, Blogger Liz said...

choices, choices.

 
At 7:32 am, Anonymous Nina said...

"Liz: who would that be--my mom, or my sister?"
Hey! i meant it in a nice way.

 
At 6:48 pm, Anonymous Gio. said...

"Liz: who would that be--my mom, or my sister?"

Joe, do you have any idea how much a ticket to China cost. Aprox?

Gio.

 
At 7:01 pm, Anonymous Administrator said...

Very funny. Mom's here right now, Gi. Visiting.
Dude, did you hear the song!!?? Rocks, huh?

Anonymous, I AM going to find you and please you. Except.... my job is not to find. I can only help if help is wanted...

Joe.

 
At 4:59 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

seeing as the first mission to alpow failed, can we assume the following? That you somehow tried and failed in your quest to give someone an orgasm. Is that the origin of the revision?

 
At 9:19 pm, Anonymous Administrator said...

Interesting assumption.

Sorry.

The moment came when I was kissing someone and it struck me--I don't want to be part of anything, this is all STUPID!!

Of course, I recanted moments later. Moments too late.

The changes were already going to be posted.

Joe.

PS
If you are who I think you are, don't flatter yourself.
Heheh, just kidding.

 
At 2:47 pm, Blogger anita said...

your motivation is admirable.

but I’m still waiting to see tangible results…

 
At 8:09 am, Blogger BarbarianDave said...

Why does ALPOW not have any testimonials? Any half decent scam will include quasi-anonymous testimonials in their media. I think you should look into a decent publicity agent.

 
At 1:20 pm, Anonymous Administrator said...

Because sex is self-publicizing.

Plus... we are no scam, and we're completely INDECENT!!! Take it ALL off, baby!

Joe.

 

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