Monday, January 09, 2006

Of Women And Orgasms.

Caution: Relatives, you probably don't want to read this.
Disclaimer: The "women" or "woman" referred to in this article are meant to infer consenting adult women.

I have decided to pioneer a cutting-edge new organization. It has taken much faith, courage, and vision, but the need in the world was just too vast to ignore. I have cried many nights over this, been moved with deep compassion, and finally have hit on a solution: someone needs to do something about it. I have taken up the torch with a vengeance.

Welcome to the inaugaration of the Association for the Liberation of Pre-Orgasmic Women.

AL-POW, for short.

Our motto is, Take No Prisoners.

Our goal is to give women orgasms. Lots of orgasms.

We are especially focused on women who haven't experienced this beautiful thrill, or who rarely do, to help them define their personal path to pleasure, but we also contribute to any willing, adventurous woman.

See, an orgasm, in a woman, is like a trail through a jungle. On the first journeys that path is a tedious, dark walk, through thick foliage and confusion and clutching fears. With persistence, the journey, although tiring, is made. But as you travel that path with more frequency, it becomes surer, more well-defined, easier, quicker, because you know what you're doing--you've been there before. Until finally it is a well-marked road to pleasure, a six-laned highway, an Auto-bahn, with no speed limit.

Our policy is that no woman should have to experience the dry tragedy of life, without orgasms to light their way. And we will go to any... lengths... to realize this utopian world-vision, with as many woman as possible, as many times as possible.

There are far too many women out there who we feel could have a more balanced orgasm-to-everything-else ratio, some of you who don't even have a clue of what you are missing. With your permission, we would like to discover this together, explore together, shoot for the stars, unearth the glittering potential.

Excuse me if I get carried away. I feel strongly.

For some, this may take time at the beginning. It may require an intimidating amount of time and work, but we vow never to be intimidated, and never to give up. No case is too hard to bring to climactic closure. No fear too numbing that we cannot confront together with patience and tenderness. No history too entrenched to uproot. No habit too enmeshed that we will not lift a finger, or even lend a whole hand, to help. Closure comes when the path is well-defined, when you are confident in your ability to be satisfied (which is satisfying); when the slate is licked clean, the outlook is fresh, the future tingling with excitement and potential.

We pledge to never pass up an opportunity to give a woman an orgasm. We pledge to do everything to the best of our ability to make you feel good. We pledge to make you beg for more, and we pledge to give more freely. No woman is too tender or too calloused or too satiated to merit our disregard. No terrain too uncharted that we will shy away from--or even too charted. Not even a well-defined path--an already present highway to pleasure--will daunt us. Nay, but we will savour these, relish the ease and freedom with which the treasure hunt is made possible. We will welcome you non pre-orgasmic women (POW's) with open arms. Even if it is a regular occurence, a few more orgasms NEVER hurt anyone. You are as much our unflinching duty, and our ecstatic pleasure, as any.

We pledge to never stop learning. To never become set as to how we think it must be done. No matter how much success one technique affords, every woman is different, inimitable, irreplaceable. We vow to grow, to stretch with every woman that we are acquainted with. We vow to find solutions.

But most of all, we at the AL-POW vow to have fun, and to spread fun. We vow to spread love without discriminations, without judgement.
With love,

for AL-POW.


At 10:39 am, Blogger BEURIBEK said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 2:20 pm, Anonymous Gio. said...

..."We vow to make Him feel good too.
With love,

for AL-POW."

Can I be vice-president?

At 5:22 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amen. I sign the dotted line in April.

At 9:31 pm, Blogger crazynik said...

I'm not sure whether to be amused or disturbed by this informative post

At 10:25 pm, Blogger aiko said...

How charitable and unselfish!
In any case, if you screw up now, you're really screwed.

But haven't you already been trying to do this?

At 5:43 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who is the we, we need to know where all braches are located!!!

Signed: POW

At 12:10 pm, Anonymous Administrator said...

AL-POW is an honorary organization. Members are responsible to themselves, the Lord, and the women, to obey the code. There is no way for me to enforce it.
Would-be members, if you report to I will do my best to hook you up with a nearby beneficiary. Women, send me a quick note at and I will try to hook you up with a member near you.
Remember, this is nothing more than a way to spread the Lord's love, so please include him. I love you all!


At 7:33 pm, Blogger Florence said...

I had no idea my home members read blogs until they started talking about this post.
Good stuff.

At 10:32 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

God Speed and bless your journey!! May you meet with much success in your endeavor and God will reward your efforts.

At 8:11 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My Young Padoan,

I feel your pain as you struggle through the awkward and twisted paths of the mysterious jungles, as you swing your machete blindly into the undergrowth of the unknown. I too was once like you before I found "the way". While your dialogue was twistedly interesting and vaguely informative, I must warn you before you embark on your noble quest, nay, your crusade: If you labored under the illusion that this posting would attract women to you I fear that you have failed miserably before you have even begun. Your post, although enjoyable, and may bring a smile to a woman's lips, will be quickly followed by a surpressed giggle as they turn and walk away. Each woman wants to feel special, not a statistic.

At 9:39 pm, Anonymous Administrator said...


Even without using technology, you're obviously a guy. A woman would put more thought into it before challenging me in such a stupid way. Even a man would. So you are a man blinded by something.
I do not appreciate you questioning our motives, so I will have to answer.
"The way" you talk about finding is the path to an orgasm. If you've had any trouble finding that, as a guy, you've got problems. If it takes so much to please yourself, how do you possibly presume to know a thing about pleasing others? Find out about pleasing yourself first, then you might be of some use.
"Swinging" your "machete," you said?? Dear Lord, where are you coming from? Keep your machete far, far away from THAT delicate jungle. Women, please, watch out for this guy.
This is a guy who thinks he knows what "each woman wants." EACH woman? That's quite a claim. We at the AL-POW do not claim knowing, but we do pledge to go to the ends of the earth to find out.
This is a guy who wants to con/manipulate women by attempting to "make" them "feel" special, for his own agenda or means. We at the AL-POW know that they already are so special, and we are only there to please them.
We are confident, even in our work, even despite thrown cliches, because we know that no woman could possibly ever be a "statistic." It is not possible, out of the question. Only fools ever use those two words in the same sentence, or people quoting fools.
Women, this is not even a man enough to emerge from a shadow of anonymity, nor does he know how to spell Padawan. My stat counter tells me who he is, but in the interest of fairness, I will give him the responsibility to reveal himself to you, if he dares to show his face and his machete-hacking identity.
And, in the interest of fairness, I hope he does--so that you will know who to stay away from.


At 10:01 pm, Anonymous Nina said...

Well, i'm gonna have to agree with him. as a woman i wouldn't like to be a statistic.

At 9:48 am, Blogger CurlyCel said...

Yup - sorry Joe - his point stands. - And I agree with him!

Your intentions to bring us girls to orgasms is sweet and all, and your writing is entertaining, but it should be a passion you don't put on your "book of records". You make it sound as if it's a "job" you will gladly undertake to "free the women".

Keep the movement going, that's not the guys' issue, his issue is that it should be a "secret mission", not a "charity organization" as you make it sound.


At 7:45 pm, Anonymous Suzy said...

Wow...someone feels very strongly...give the guy a break Joe, he has a point and the comment was obviously a joke. It is a funny idea, AL-POW that is, unrealistic, but funny.

At 10:40 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you really want to be a good gigolo, you must be more cunning about it. Players must be true to the game. Play the game for real - if you're a player that is. Yup, that does mean con, manipulate, etc... etc... Play her for a sucker. If you're gonna do it, may as well do it properly and make the poor girl think that you really do love her in a special way. Just try not to lie and say it will last forever like some sappy love song. Remember, some people's sexuality is awakened by thier emotions, not their gonads. So if you think you can make a woman orgasm only by technique, you may be in for a surprise - at lest some of the time.

The thing is, I always find it strange that some people need their hands to be held, or minds intoxicated, or party games to be played to be able to touch someone else. So inhibited. Why must their be some kind of match making involved? Wouldn't it take half the fun out of it. I think I see now. You're a virgo, correct? Going for efficiency?

Just my 2p

At 11:05 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

One more thing, Jesus told us not to vow.
Will you have yourself knocking on wood?

At 7:22 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope many of the Anonymous people and some girls aren't taking this too seriously (judging from your posts it sounds as though they are). As far as I see this whole thing's a joke... and a very entertaining one at that.

At 7:34 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It could be a joke. He's probably laughing his ass off.

At 4:52 pm, Anonymous Administrator said...

Hang on guys, I'm on vacation!! I shall engage you all when I get back.
Here's an interesting bit of trivia: I am typing this from E-bag's computer, by the way. Fun.


At 1:39 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 1:42 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought you were starting some kind of sex club - not an argument.

At 8:25 pm, Blogger BarbarianDave said...

Being a member of a union ( not necissarly by choice), I have found that most fraternal organizations are all talk-no-action.They also tend to be manned for the most part by underachievers who probably couldn't make it on their own.

At 10:42 pm, Anonymous Administrator said...

So you're an underachiever who can't make it on his own?
I'm sorry.
Well, believe me, action abounds on this vacation. This is no fraternal nothing. This is a powerhouse of enterpreneurs, and we're taking over the world. I love you!


At 9:14 pm, Anonymous Suzy said...

Haha...this is so funny!

At 3:02 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 6:19 pm, Blogger BarbarianDave said...

Well as far being an underacheiver as an electrician....perhaps. I, However am not in a fraternal order for the purpose of desperatley trying to get laid...I mean "giving women orgasms". A true player should never have to advertise. Not that I have or ever will be one. I just happen to know a few who are very good at what they do.

At 8:16 pm, Anonymous Sexually Deppressed said...

MORE MORE MORE!!!..........You guys this is really entertaining....although i like your idea Joe, yeh I tend to lean towards the reasoning of other 'anonymous' persons......(whats with that anyways) I have already said I am extremely sexualy depressed as is my two female companions here....of course it would be rather entertaining if some sex craved wild beast charges in here and gave us his all but thats not going to happen so we have come to the sad conclusion that we are just going to have to be normal and try to win the heart of some man (preferably not a member of AL-POW), and through that avenue get out 'orgams'......but I love you anyway Joe....and my friend here loves you Gio...........

At 9:40 am, Anonymous Administrator said...

This I like. My aim to inspire passion in people is realizing. Sex always inspires passion, whether for or against. And all of you wet blanketeers obviously just aren't getting any. Or maybe the wrong type.
Here is an anonymous quote I liked: "The thing is, I always find it strange that some people need their hands to be held, or minds intoxicated, or party games to be played to be able to touch someone else. So inhibited."
So true!! Break out, people! Grab her and kiss her. Do it for me!
Wait. Do it for her. Or yourself. Or Jesus. Or whatever (lame) excuse you cook up, just do it, for crying out loud. At least with this organization you may have a greater purpose to get you off your lazy, inhibited ass and start doing something fun! Yeah baby. I hereby french you in the name of AL-POW. Glad to be of service.


At 7:22 am, Anonymous gene said...

I despise the world wide web of deciet. By happenstance I have happened upon your wisdom.
Joe is a god among men; endowed, nay, well-endowed with wisdom of the sages. I do most solemnly swear to abide by the...code, all wet blanketeers be damned.

At 9:09 pm, Anonymous Administrator said...

Rock on! Thanks, Gene. You take care of Japan for us for now.


At 12:44 pm, Blogger Dogmaeye said...

LOL! Where was I when this happened...hmm lets see i was a virgin I think. Oh well, this is what happens to virgos when we try too...hard...on...something. no offence, and yeah pride gets in the way...virgo pride, I know becuz i'm a virgin...I mean a virgo...ahem. arent' virgins sexy btw?

At 1:18 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here r 2 books most of you will surely enjoy.

At 11:53 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

sounds like he got the idea from the movie "Deception" - sex club anyone? - movie:

At 12:05 pm, Anonymous Administrator said...

sex-hacks: wow! good books, thank u!

deception: haha........sorry my friend.... january 2006


At 5:21 pm, Blogger Mawiee said...

Wahahahahahah! Ur just too much of an aquarious! I thought ur post was funny by the way. Its a noble cause ...if ur serious which u cant be posting something like this

At 11:50 am, Anonymous Sebastian /FresnoHome/Tampico said...

Way to go, dude! That is just so righteous!


Post a Comment

<< Home