Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Stoner Chapter

I don't smoke marijuana. I never have.

If that makes me a dork, too bad. If it makes me upstanding, also too bad. It's just the truth, I have never smoked marijuana.

But that's not to say I can help but admire people who do.

I would like to turn your attention to the first book of Corinthians, chapter 13. We'll start at verse 4, the most perfect and moving description of a loving person to be found in the Bible.

Also the perfect description of a stoner.

Let's go through it and see if you can see some uncanny parallels, like I do.

Love suffers long and is kind.
"What is that thing that you get in and it takes you places? You guys know what I'm talking about?"
"Yeah man it's called a car, we're in one right now.."

Love does not envy, parade itself, or act puffed up.
"Whoa duude your hand is soo big.."

Does not behave rudely or seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil.
"I tootally get where you're coming from maan.."

Does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.
"Duude the stars are so pretty at night time.."

Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
"Seriously brosef, everyone in the whole world should just like stop fighting man.."

Is there a more precise, accurate description of a loving man than one who is high? If the whole point of life is not to make money, not to accomplish things or to get ahead, but to love our fellow man--and if human nature is inherently selfish and evil--doesn't it make sense that one would want to inhibit the petty, greedy areas of one's brain, and break through to a higher, spiritual dimension where all is love and tolerance?

Question: There's a stoner on the left and a stoner on the right, who wins?

Answer: Who wins what?


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At 1:19 am, Anonymous Pingly said...

Violent from weed alone? (Not mixed with alcohol or other illicit substances)
Sorry, man, I call bullshizzzzz.

At 1:24 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, seriously, when you're stoned, it's hard to even stay annoyed at someone, much less want to hurt them.

At 1:45 am, Anonymous Andrew said...

Quite an interesting post son! I was smoking grass until I joined in 1974. But I recently began again in the privacy of my FD home. A few fellow FGAs received prophecies that showed it was the Lord's time. Since then there has been a new underground movement! Praise the Lord! Unity is at an all time "high" in our home, and it certainly helps to eat what is set before us during times when we are tight financially. God bless you son, try it, you might like it! It'll take your spirit trips to a whole 'nother level. It's still a Revolution Amen?

At 4:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WTF are you for real Andrew?

At 1:47 am, Anonymous Andrew said...

Am I serious? Yes I am. No need for the harsh language

At 9:07 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oops this goes first:

Sure that may be the case for a very stereotype stoner...if you haven't even smoked the stuff then how do you know that that is the effect that it would have? It really does vary from person to person. I have known people who have used it and became pretty who's to make the call?

At 11:14 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What happened to the order of the comments?! Weird.

At 7:47 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sure the effect does vary for everyone but usually smoking up gets you very chilled, happy and very in need of munchies Haha. But it does bring out alot of the real person inside, and I can see how if the person is kind of violent or messed up a little inside, how it could bring that part of the person out.

It would be hilarious to watch someone try to be violent though he'd be like "I'm in the matrix slow motion and I'm gonna kick all your asses! "Tries to do a round house kick, falls hurts himself." Everyone dies from laughter.

At 11:32 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope you were not really FD when you tried smoking marijuana Andrew though I suspect you're just making all that up.

At 4:05 pm, Anonymous Danster said...

Dude, you'd be surprised...

At 12:05 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Surprised that FD members would be smoking cigarettes and marijuana, having sex with non TFI members? No it would not surprise me actually.

At 11:45 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Andrew, if what you say is true and I saw what you guys were doing, I'd call the authorities and get all the kids taken away.

At 1:37 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

um wtf ru mental? the authorities where? which kids? taken away from where? under what charges? 2 what point?
dude u have ABSoLUTELY ZERO idea wut ur talking about, ur just trying 2 sound brilliant but guess wut u sound STUPID.

At 7:54 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well now that is assuming he even has kids and smoking pot is not justification for taking kids away if you live in say Canada where I hear it is legal.

At 8:05 pm, Blogger Amaranthine said...

yes-------exactly right

At 4:20 am, Anonymous Visitor said...

I really hope that Andrew is joking.


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