How to Make Love to a Friend - Part Four: Dangers

Part Four: Dangers
If you missed the other parts in this series, you can find them at the following links:
Part 1: Eros
Part 2: Philos
Part 3: Agape

Here are a few of the most common dangers that can rear their ugly heads when making love to a friend. Most of these dangers occur not while what is happening still has anything to do with friendship but when either or both of you allow the wonderful thing you have to twist into something else. When your normal human insecurities stand up and insist that you protect yourself by snatching as much control of your friend as you can finagle. That is what will put the poison into your piñata.

Ignore the urge to move in with your friend and start a magical life together. It is when you give in to the impulses that begin to drag you down this path that things inevitably begin to turn sour. Possessive thoughts that begin with "my" (my baby, my man, my princess - even "us" actually means "my") will slit the throat of the goose that is laying gold for you right now.

Friends do not belong to each other; they simply enjoy each other. They don't try to manipulate each other into giving them more. They are thrilled when they are in each other's company, and they live and let live when they are apart.

If you can at all fathom it, encourage your friend to sleep with other people. Friends don't exclude their friends - from themselves or from the rest of life. Exclusivity is the enemy of friendship. It will rot your friendship faster than almost anything else. Do whatever you have to to avoid it and to avoid wanting it.

The main reason why the kind of friendship I describe is so rare is because people are greedy by nature. We can't help it. We want it all, and we want it right now. We want to own things and people, and we don't care what it does to them. We want our little kingdom with at least one subject who fauns over us, clings to us, and sits beside us on our bed at night tapping away on their laptop.

You can't help it. This is who you are as a human being. Anytime there is a self, there is a tendency to want to put that self first. (Lewis, 1943)

My only advice to you is to try to focus your greed in any other direction than your priceless friendships. Take it out on a stuffed animal, a musical instrument, a puppy, or even money if you must. Wrap your voracious, clutching arms around the necks of these items and drag them into your world to stay. Be greedy for things if it helps you simply sit back and enjoy your friendship. If you can't sheathe the sword, at least remove it from your friend's throat.

As hard as it may be to hear, often the best way to be cured of the disease of wanting only one person all for yourself (one-itis) is to learn to want other people. Think about that for a bit. When you learn to open yourself up and leave yourself open to the amazing world full of amazing people around you, you will lead an amazing life.


This concludes the How to Make Love to a Friend exclusive special feature of this blog. Visit us regularly for new breakthroughs, trends, and tips that will improve your sex life.

How to Make Love to a Friend - Part Three: Agape

 

Part Three: Agape
Once you and your friend have shown each other that you are both able to handle the complete, all-inclusive version of friendship that so few ever attain, the fun can really begin. Believe me when I say that until you've made love to a friend, you've never really made love. You may have glutted yourself with one-night stands or marital bliss till it came out your nose, but you've never made love like this before.

At this stage it's crucial to be as clear and as deliberate as possible with your friend so that no mixed signals are sent in either direction. When you are in the mood for making love to your friend or not making love to them, let them know in terms that are not uncertain. One of the biggest benefits in friends with benefits is the absence of mind games. Instead of using sex as a way to secure intimacy with your partner or using friendship as a way to try to get into their pants, you now have the opportunity to  experience both friendship and sex in their pure, unadulterated forms. But it's up to you to keep it that way. Mind games are forbidden.

Although it is important to be deliberate about your actions, it's not necessary to be crass. You can demonstrate to them your intention without trying to sound like a porn star. For this third stage, once again I recommend that you both be sober and sane. Men and women alike, have some balls, and show your friend that you are not afraid to touch them with loaded fingertips, to lie with your faces close together and carry on an electric conversation laced with risque and spices.

This is the stage that will set the tone for the rest of your friendship, so be careful, and be crazy. Be what you want to be; don't hold back - that IS what friends are for. For god's sake, though, don't be timid. If you are timid, you will ruin the entire point of this proposal. You are FRIENDS. You're allowed to make a mess, break stuff, throw stuff. Do things and say things that you probably couldn't with a regular partner. Leave the lights on. Maintain complete dominance of every one of your senses for the breathtaking relish that these moments of discovering each others' final frontiers will be.

Take full advantage of the fact that this a friend with whom you are making love.

Agape is the word for unconditional love. It is a combination of all the various kinds of love mixed up together and thrown into one. It means that you love every part, parcel, and facet of your friend no matter how small or how taboo. It is simply impossible to experience this kind of love in any other kind of relationship. You can't wrap up your family in this word because there are parts of who they are and what they do behind closed doors that just gross you out. You can't plunge into this word with your spouse because you secretly hate the thought that they might ever be attracted to anyone else besides you, which is a routine part of human existence. You can't get hopelessly lost in agape with your platonic friends because you've erected a fence around essential parts of you to keep them out.

Although you may be able to tolerate every part of the other people in your life, sadly, you will probably never embrace them as the complete people that they are. In some cases, it's true, it's better not to. But when it is possible, it is paradise.

Stay tuned next Monday evening for some of the dangers of making love to a friend.


How to Make Love to a Friend is an exclusive special feature of this blog. Visit us Monday evenings for new episodes in the How to Make Love to a Friend series.

If you would like to read the other parts in this series, you can find them at the following links:
Part 1: Eros
Part 2: Philos
Part 3: Agape
Part 4: Dangers

How to Make Love to a Friend - Part Two: Philos

Part Two: Philos
Now that you have experienced your friend as a complete human being, physical, spiritual, and sexual, and have acknowledged all parts of their humanity, you are in a much better position to be a really great friend. At this stage, it's important to reaffirm the friendship side of your relation, so leave the sex aside for a while.

Don't act like it never happened. It did, and you both loved it, so let it glow in your eyes, but don't try to build on it for now. Now is the time to let your friend know that you value them as a friend. Spend time together doing what you used to love to do. Go out for drinks, and don't sexualize the evening. The best part about making love to a friend is that it doesn't always have to be about the eros or the emotion. It can and will be WHEN YOU WANT IT TO BE. And then it won't be WHEN YOU DON'T WANT IT TO BE. If you want to obsess over either eros or emotion, get a wife. Friends are only part-time lovers.

While you are placing the eros aside and focusing on the philos, don't disrespect your friend by flirting with other people in front of them. Although some friends will be okay with it, many will not, and it's important to keep the mutual respect at impeccable levels until you find out exactly where your comfort zones are. (While jealousy can be a great tool to gain attention in initial attraction phases, it's never polite to flirt with someone else in front of another person with whom you are already intimate, be they friend, fiance, or fuck-buddy, so don't do it.) Enjoy your friend's company, and show each other that, sex or no sex, you are friends first.

Because one of the best parts about making love to a friend is the flexibility that is built into the rapport, in this stage you may even want to down a few drinks while continuing to keep your hands off each other. This demonstrates to each other that it wasn't only the alcohol talking, that your sexual sides are entirely under your respective controls, and that you are perfectly capable of having a great time together and even drinking without necessarily falling into a pattern.

The limits are defined by you, and there are no ruts when making love to a friend. If you are able to keep intact the friend part of making love to a friend, your journey with us will continue.


How to Make Love to a Friend is an exclusive special feature of this blog. Visit us Monday evenings for new episodes in the How to Make Love to a Friend series.

If you would like to read the other parts in this series, you can find them at the following links:
Part 1: Eros
Part 2: Philos
Part 3: Agape
Part 4: Dangers

How to Make Love to a Friend

Part One: Eros
Making love to a friend is not only one of the best kinds of making love, it is also one of the best things you can do to a friend. Contrary to the Black Swan twins' recent re-emphasis in two similarly-titled movies (No Strings Attached and Friends with Benefits) of the tired, old Hollywood cliche that friends and sex don't mix, these two ingredients can actually make some of the most delicious of life's desserts.

When making love to a friend, it's important that both parties know what they want. Unfortunately, that is often the one thing neither is sure of. For instance, if you want to just get a fantasy out of the way and then get back to being only friends, you will have to do things differently than if you want to transform your friend into a potential romantic interest. Things must also be done completely differently if you want to keep your friendship on a sexual level and also keep your friendship.

Whatever you think your intentions are, getting a small taste of that other side of your friend can help clear things up for you considerably. Sample your friend, and you may be surprised at what you find. Maybe you and your friend won't be compatible in bed. Or maybe getting to know them in that way just once will bind you closer as friends than ever before. However things turn out, it is vitally important to ensure that your first taste of each other DOES NOT COUNT.

This is Eros, the first phase of making love to a friend. To make sure that it doesn't count, I highly recommend alcohol. Attend a wild party and drink just enough that both of you are able to say the next morning that you were not fully yourselves last night. Don't drink anything, though, that would keep you from completely enjoying your friend or remembering them. Extenuating circumstances will now allow you make instinctive overtures to your friend, as men and women are supposed to. This, as far as your basic instincts are concerned, is what the opposite sex, friend or foe, was created for, so don't be shy.

Feel free to go as far as the moment takes you during this initial phase; remember, it doesn't count. Thanks to the alcohol, no matter what happens, your plausible deniability will remain intact. Remember too, as the moment swirls around you, that, more than just a wild party, this is also research. It is a fantasy football team, a what-if scenario, an experiment that will remain completely off the books if you want it to or recur if the results are satisfactory.

If you decide you aren't sexually compatible with your friend, your journey with us ends here. The friend part will continue, but the making love part will stop. You will most likely find your friendship enriched, understand your friend in entirely different ways now, and have one more silly moment of past history to laugh about.

If you decide you are romantically attracted to your friend, your journey with us also ends here. While the making love part will probably continue, the friend part will most likely grind to a long, painful halt. You will have someone on whose shoulder you will temporarily be able to rest your head when the other fragments of your life begin to pile up, and you will be able to lose yourself for now in a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts. You should, however, begin looking for another friend.

If you decide that you and your friend make magic together, both on the kitchen counter and off, welcome aboard; your journey with us has just begun.


How to Make Love to a Friend is an exclusive special feature of this blog. Visit us Monday evenings for new episodes in the How to Make Love to a Friend series.

If you would like to read the other parts in this series, you can find them at the following links:
Part 1: Eros
Part 2: Philos
Part 3: Agape
Part 4: Dangers

The 5 Totally Hottest Apostates Ever (of all time)

In celebration of our new and continuing sense of positive relations with our ex-members, this blog has decided to announce for your benefit the 5 all time hottest apostates ever. Looking past our differences and focusing on the shallow things in life that really matter, the criterion are, 1: that they are or have been genuinely and actively at odds with the Family, and 2: that they are hot. Countdown.

Hottest Apostate Ever #5:
Juliana Buhring

Together with her sisters, this fine young lady recently co-wrote a bleak anthology on allegedly negative past experiences in the Family, promoting it through TV appearances and a widely circulated website. This, together with her pouty smile, statuesque neckline, and beautifully etched features, qualifies her smashingly as the fifth hottest apostate ever.


Hottest Apostate Ever #4:
Miriam Padilla
An experienced globetrotter extraordinaire, this lovely woman has helped to incite persecutions in Japan and Argentina, among other places. She has great taste in jewelry, knows how to accessorize, and while worried for our safety, somehow manages to look downright sexy.


Hottest Apostate Ever #3:
Jim LaMattery

Old fashioned good looks and a killer smile make this bright man a prime candidate for the first of our top three hottest apostates ever. An apostates' apostate, and a true professional, this man knows how to make his opposition count--even to the point of drawing criticism from other apostates. He has been banned from certain ex-member sites, and threatened to sue others in his whirlwind of righteousness, but always manages to bounce back.


Hottest Apostate Ever #2:
Cherish Lloyd
This outstanding woman whose amazing looks have only been surpassed by her wits, is currently deceased (kidney infection). May she rest in peace. She made TV appearances across Latin America with a counter-cult purpose and a tale to tell... but all I could think of was how beautiful she looked when she was angry. She went on to earn a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in Photography.


And #1 Place for the Hottest Apostate Ever of all Time goes to...
drumroll...

Davida Kelley
Our undisputed winner, as a foxy adult fetish model and talented actress, left the other apostates no chance. Her slight disagreements with our lifestyle and occasional conflictive campaigns pale beside her ravishing looks and voluptuous body. And red suits her gorgeously. Under dreamy eyes and luscious lips, lies a passion for passion unsurpassed by any other apostate to date. It's an honor to be fought by this one.



So let's live beyond our differences and realize that we're all just a bunch of hot people fighting each other. Why not stop and admire each other for what we are and what we like, rather than what we aren't, and what we dislike. We'd all look hotter in love than in hate anyway.

Fetching Fridays

And who better, honestly?
Love you, Mel, and celebrating with you.

Fetching Fridays -- Special Crush Edition

This woman is so hot.

Katrina A.

--A for Adorable.

Anytime.

Anywhere.

The Chocolate Clock

Q What does a woman expect the first time you have sex?

A "We expect that it’ll be a little clumsy at first, then frantic and passionate, then over very, very fast. It doesn’t take that many first encounters to realise that few men can restrain themselves from coming for long when they’re inside someone new. As for us, we don’t expect to come at all (unless we get lucky and the novelty of it all sends us over the edge even before you get there).

"All of which doesn’t make it any less exhilarating. We’re intoxicated the moment we feel you through your trousers and realise we’re going to have this forbidden part of you in the palm of our hand and then other wetter, warmer places. It’s all so erotic it doesn’t take much at all to make this night exceptional."



Reprinted from original article in Men's Health, with fair use but without permission.

Fetching Fridays

Cover girl.
Splash.

Fetching Fridays

Where All The Chics Are!


This is a classic mosaic of "chic looks." From the "faraway," to the "not bad," to the "you, and no one else," to the demure, downcast eyes, this is a Fetching for every day of the week.
And all the chics are in... the sparkling mission field of Africa!

Love, Joe.

Fetching Fridays

Where All The Chics Are!



A tribute to a plethora of massive older brothers. --To whom God gave size to match the magnificence of the treasure they would be needed to protect. Ruthie's dashing smile fits right in context.

Love, Joe.

Did You Know That...

...whenever I am trying to put a label on a post, I have to cycle through all the letters of the alphabet to see which labels I already have, and which one(s) fit the post best? Because I don't have the faintest idea what my labels say, and I don't wanna create a whole new one for each post! Now THAT would be terrible! (FOR EXAMPLE: the post where i go on and on about how i choose labels for my posts) (OR: i still can't get over how cool this label thing is)
So here I go, Q, W, E, R.......

Love, Joe.



PS UPDATE
HEY. FDTP ROCKS. INTERNET IS SO CARNAL HERE. NOT TO MENTION FAR (the article above is a draft that I wrote before I left...hehe). AM LEARNING A LOT. 13 HOUR SHIFTS WILL DO THAT TO YOU. AM ALSO ENJOYING A LOT.
ONE THING I DON´T HAVE TIME TO DO IS GO THROUGH ALL THE RECENT COMMENTS AND EDIT THEM. I WILL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BUT FOR NOW, IF THERE IS ANYTHING UNEDIFYING, FORGIVE ME, FORGIVE THEM, LOOK AWAY. AND TO YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE DOING THE WHOLE STAR WARS THING BELOW, ENOUGH OKAY. THANKS!

Fetching Fridays

Fetching Fridays. And while we're on the subject of alliterations, I have one more for you--FDTP, or Brotherhood Academy to be more precise. I'm rolling on that long long road tomorrow.

But today!--

Where All The Chics Are!


Colombia! Lifespan city, where hot does not have an age ceiling! Ponce de Leon was waaaay off where he was looking in Florida.

Love, Joe.

Fetching Fridays

Where All The Chics Are!


Europe! I love Europe. Italy especially is my favourite country, favourite food, favourite styles, favourite culture, favourite people. I even like Super Mario, but only cause he's Italian.

Um...anyway..... ya, I don't know exactly the country these ladies are from, I was just mentioning that I like Italy. I also just love beautiful, bright eyes--and this picture is positively glowing!

Love, Joe.

Fetching Fridays

Where All The Chics Are!




India!
Look at all those beautiful colours, to match the beautiful girls.
Just look at it for a while, it gives off such a peaceful, open-air, free-spirited feeling. I am grateful for such variety!

Love, Joe.

Fetching Fridays

Where All The Chics Are!


Wordstock again! What's up with this?

Charlotte says, "That chic in the middle is the hottest!"

Heeheehee.

Love, Joe.

Fetching Fridays

Where All The Chics Are!


Well, Wordstock, for one.
There is at least one secret that's out in this picture, which shouldn't be, and no I am not ashamed to still be talking about Wordstock. Just wait till I get to my review on STEM's performance--complete with an exclusive live video that you DO NOT want to miss. Oops, I'd better not write that or my secret will be out.


Go into all the world.

Love, Joe.

PS
Yes, I am aware that most of the women in this picture have moved and are no longer at the Wordstock site. --Thank you though.

Fetching Fridays

Where All The Chics Are!



Here!

Oh for a taste of that salt-spangled, ocean breeze. Is it even possible to contain this many gorgeous, beaming people in one viewfinder? Apparently so.

So, all the chics are.... good gosh, where was this again?

Love, Joe.

Fetching Fridays

Stay pasted for a few more juicy articles on Wordstock: The Sex, Screaming, and STEM, coming soon. But first, a little ode to the hometown! And Charlotte, I LOVE YOU!

***

Where All The Chics Are!



Guadalajara, Mexico! Paradise! Lucky me!
My birthday party, what a fine and glorious day. And as the North Star shines above us, between Kristy and Sherri, we bask in its smiling glow and, LET THE BALL BEGIN!

Guadalajara--that's where all the chics are.

Love, Joe.

Fetching Fridays

For the next few Fetching Fridays, we're going to start up a little series, since we like those so much.

Where All The Chics Are!


Here they are! --The Girls... and Shane! Lucky Shane.
You may recognize a few of these iconic ladies, or not, and you may even recognize Shane! Whether you do or don't though, sit back for a minute and imagine yourself there, surrounded by colours and beauty, and probably wild animals. Isn't it a cozy feeling?

Uganda--that's where all the chics are. (Thanks, Jaz!)

Love, Joe.