Hair Kills

I'm a redhead. And a blonde. And a brunette, and a couple of other things that might not even have names.

When you go from having well-trimmed, mild-mannered, nice people hair to a bushy mane of fierce in a single morning, you notice how heavy hair really is. But the extra weight was definitely not what hurt the most about having extensions of all different colors put in. What hurt the most was the pain.

The colorful extensions were for a L'occoco fashion show, and as L'occoco kept reminding me, 'anything for fashion, right?' In this case, that anything meant millions of tiny heart attacks crawling over my head and gnawing at the battered and threadbare skin that once proudly covered my skull. It's funny how each tug sends lightning bolts of pain straight down into the depths of your chest like a seed of evil winding its way through your body and sprouting up through the top of your head. Well, not funny exactly.

While having the full attention of one stylist for the systematic torture of my head was certainly an honor, when the second one arrived to lend a hand to the barbaric process, it nearly moved me to tears. My heart was torn between the two beautiful women each yanking me toward her by the roots of my hair. It got to a point where all I could do was just close my eyes and think of all the mean things I was going to say about them in this post.

And next on my fashion bucket list: trendy waterboarding.

This fun and games put me in such a bad mood that small talk with my captors was out of the question. Even sex with them was quickly moving off the table. In fact, it occurred to me that if my hairdressers and a pizza deliverywoman stripped down to the skin and began to make love to me passionately right there and then, I would probably have to furrow my brow and say to them, "Ladies. Please. ..Let's be professional." Or maybe not. We'd have to see.

On the bright side, the keratin with which they attached my new hair to my old smelled of honey, jasmine, and cucumbers. On the down side, one among many, I now smell like those three things.

As they continued attaching more and more hair, I began to understand how troll dolls and pokemon wizards feel. There are two things I hate most in life, and having hair in my eyes is definitely one of them. I began to have trouble breathing through my helmet of hair. Finally I could no longer see the screen of my note taking iPhone through the colorful curtain of hair that told my eyes the first act was over. That may be why this post is gradually becoming less and less clever.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn't even see the mirror through all the head fur. And did I mention the pain? My nails dug their way deeper and deeper into my knees as stylists One and Two, Older and Younger, yanked bits of my already malnourished brain through my scalp.

The head honcho hairdresser kept screaming at the other one to make the extensions thinner, which could only mean one thing: more extensions and more pain. Through the blinding stabbings of pain I may have also heard her mention that apparently I have freckles on my scalp. I also have a rebellious face, but that I knew. It has been drilled into me.

There grew to be a total of six stylists standing around me, oohing and aahhing over their creation. By the end I was ready to plead for mercy and tell them anything they wanted.

I wonder if Hitler whistled while he metaphorically put extensions in the Jews' hair.

Finally, after two full hours of continuous and completely enveloping pain, the kind your threshold never gets used to, the ordeal drew to a close. I left with at least one section of my cranium, the section where Younger worked, that has either been fantastically overstimulated or fatally ruined. That would make me either a parietal lobal genius or a vegetable. I plan to blame the events of today if anyone ever complains about my sensational, handwriting, or body positioning functions in the future. Yes, I Googled that.

Also, next time the sink clogs up, you will know who to blame.

As you can see, I learned to take notes on my iPhone without seeing.

Thanks to this merging of minds, however, next year's L'occoco event may feature an idea we kicked around in the L'occoco chambers of anguish: beard extensions. Think Biblical vogue and going all Old Testament up in here. Think Punk Moses and the Parting of the Fluorescent Pink Sea.

Now I'm going to try to get some sleep without any part of my bruised head touching any surface.

PIPA and SOPA and YOU

PIPA and SOPA – Why the Uproar?
By Joe Johnston


Like a poor, browbeaten old man and his shrill, nagging wife, the government of the United States of America has been barraged by the whiny voices of the entertainment and software industries for decades now. The growing stream of grumble from these monopolistic matrons has had only one coherent complaint on its cracked lips: that the US government is not flexing its considerable muscle enough to somehow put an end to the online piracy that is eating into these companies’ profits and ability to personally exploit struggling creative geniuses for corporate gain.

And like a bear awoken from its peaceful hibernation in the dead of winter, the US government has finally stirred its considerable self and decided to do practically the only thing it is really good at: overreact to the threat.

The incessant buzz of the entertainment and software bees is not completely devoid of method in its maddening drone. It is true that the tiny trickle of leftovers given to the actual artists after the conglomerates have all had their cut has been eaten into even more by online piracy. It is true that it is a sort of disrespect and devaluation of quality work to have it thrown to the glutted masses for nothing more than the price of an Internet connection. But the uproar about SOPA and PIPA has nothing to do with the proletariat rising up and demanding its piracy. The problem with these bills is that they go way beyond curbing the copyright infringement underbelly of the Internet. If these bills are passed, they will cripple the Internet as we know it.

PIPA, an acronym for the Protect IP Act, is the third face of a bill that has already been struck down twice by our wise leaders. The third time may well be the charm, but only if the charm means an even uglier and more nefarious potential abuse of power than ever. PIPA will bequeath to US corporations and the government itself the omnipotent authority to sue, punish, and financially cripple any site in the world that they deem to be infringing upon their copyrights.

SOPA, an acronym for the Stop Online Piracy Act, will work hand in hand with PIPA like a pair of gleeful, murderous twins with a grudge against the Internet. Much like the dreaded black list of the Cold War days, SOPA will give corporations and the government the unmitigated power to cut off from the Internet any site that they feel infringes on their copyrights in any way. Not only will this legislation enable these bullies to directly strangle any sites they don’t like, it will also allow the bullies to go behind these sites’ backs and order search engines to cut them off from their traffic and payment processors to cut them off from their revenues.

The main reason this legislation is so thoroughly vilified is because of its vague definition of copyright infringement. If these bills were passed, a video of a man walking by a Starbucks without explicit permission from the company to feature their logo could get YouTube sued for piracy. This article and the website hosting it could get immediately blacklisted twice just for the preceding sentence. A little girl humming her favorite Britney Spears jingle in front of a webcam could become the center of an immediate whirlwind of legal action, and her parents could incur penalties that would make Serena Williams’ $82,500 fine for talking back to a judge look like pocket change.

Call or write your state’s Senators today and insist that your voice be heard on this issue! Just don’t mention what brand of coffee you had for breakfast.

First published at www.mypadmonkey.com. Republished here without permission but with fair use.

How to Make Love to a Friend - Part Four: Dangers

Part Four: Dangers
If you missed the other parts in this series, you can find them at the following links:
Part 1: Eros
Part 2: Philos
Part 3: Agape

Here are a few of the most common dangers that can rear their ugly heads when making love to a friend. Most of these dangers occur not while what is happening still has anything to do with friendship but when either or both of you allow the wonderful thing you have to twist into something else. When your normal human insecurities stand up and insist that you protect yourself by snatching as much control of your friend as you can finagle. That is what will put the poison into your piñata.

Ignore the urge to move in with your friend and start a magical life together. It is when you give in to the impulses that begin to drag you down this path that things inevitably begin to turn sour. Possessive thoughts that begin with "my" (my baby, my man, my princess - even "us" actually means "my") will slit the throat of the goose that is laying gold for you right now.

Friends do not belong to each other; they simply enjoy each other. They don't try to manipulate each other into giving them more. They are thrilled when they are in each other's company, and they live and let live when they are apart.

If you can at all fathom it, encourage your friend to sleep with other people. Friends don't exclude their friends - from themselves or from the rest of life. Exclusivity is the enemy of friendship. It will rot your friendship faster than almost anything else. Do whatever you have to to avoid it and to avoid wanting it.

The main reason why the kind of friendship I describe is so rare is because people are greedy by nature. We can't help it. We want it all, and we want it right now. We want to own things and people, and we don't care what it does to them. We want our little kingdom with at least one subject who fauns over us, clings to us, and sits beside us on our bed at night tapping away on their laptop.

You can't help it. This is who you are as a human being. Anytime there is a self, there is a tendency to want to put that self first. (Lewis, 1943)

My only advice to you is to try to focus your greed in any other direction than your priceless friendships. Take it out on a stuffed animal, a musical instrument, a puppy, or even money if you must. Wrap your voracious, clutching arms around the necks of these items and drag them into your world to stay. Be greedy for things if it helps you simply sit back and enjoy your friendship. If you can't sheathe the sword, at least remove it from your friend's throat.

As hard as it may be to hear, often the best way to be cured of the disease of wanting only one person all for yourself (one-itis) is to learn to want other people. Think about that for a bit. When you learn to open yourself up and leave yourself open to the amazing world full of amazing people around you, you will lead an amazing life.


This concludes the How to Make Love to a Friend exclusive special feature of this blog. Visit us regularly for new breakthroughs, trends, and tips that will improve your sex life.

How to Make Love to a Friend - Part Three: Agape

 

Part Three: Agape
Once you and your friend have shown each other that you are both able to handle the complete, all-inclusive version of friendship that so few ever attain, the fun can really begin. Believe me when I say that until you've made love to a friend, you've never really made love. You may have glutted yourself with one-night stands or marital bliss till it came out your nose, but you've never made love like this before.

At this stage it's crucial to be as clear and as deliberate as possible with your friend so that no mixed signals are sent in either direction. When you are in the mood for making love to your friend or not making love to them, let them know in terms that are not uncertain. One of the biggest benefits in friends with benefits is the absence of mind games. Instead of using sex as a way to secure intimacy with your partner or using friendship as a way to try to get into their pants, you now have the opportunity to  experience both friendship and sex in their pure, unadulterated forms. But it's up to you to keep it that way. Mind games are forbidden.

Although it is important to be deliberate about your actions, it's not necessary to be crass. You can demonstrate to them your intention without trying to sound like a porn star. For this third stage, once again I recommend that you both be sober and sane. Men and women alike, have some balls, and show your friend that you are not afraid to touch them with loaded fingertips, to lie with your faces close together and carry on an electric conversation laced with risque and spices.

This is the stage that will set the tone for the rest of your friendship, so be careful, and be crazy. Be what you want to be; don't hold back - that IS what friends are for. For god's sake, though, don't be timid. If you are timid, you will ruin the entire point of this proposal. You are FRIENDS. You're allowed to make a mess, break stuff, throw stuff. Do things and say things that you probably couldn't with a regular partner. Leave the lights on. Maintain complete dominance of every one of your senses for the breathtaking relish that these moments of discovering each others' final frontiers will be.

Take full advantage of the fact that this a friend with whom you are making love.

Agape is the word for unconditional love. It is a combination of all the various kinds of love mixed up together and thrown into one. It means that you love every part, parcel, and facet of your friend no matter how small or how taboo. It is simply impossible to experience this kind of love in any other kind of relationship. You can't wrap up your family in this word because there are parts of who they are and what they do behind closed doors that just gross you out. You can't plunge into this word with your spouse because you secretly hate the thought that they might ever be attracted to anyone else besides you, which is a routine part of human existence. You can't get hopelessly lost in agape with your platonic friends because you've erected a fence around essential parts of you to keep them out.

Although you may be able to tolerate every part of the other people in your life, sadly, you will probably never embrace them as the complete people that they are. In some cases, it's true, it's better not to. But when it is possible, it is paradise.

Stay tuned next Monday evening for some of the dangers of making love to a friend.


How to Make Love to a Friend is an exclusive special feature of this blog. Visit us Monday evenings for new episodes in the How to Make Love to a Friend series.

If you would like to read the other parts in this series, you can find them at the following links:
Part 1: Eros
Part 2: Philos
Part 3: Agape
Part 4: Dangers

How to Make Love to a Friend - Part Two: Philos

Part Two: Philos
Now that you have experienced your friend as a complete human being, physical, spiritual, and sexual, and have acknowledged all parts of their humanity, you are in a much better position to be a really great friend. At this stage, it's important to reaffirm the friendship side of your relation, so leave the sex aside for a while.

Don't act like it never happened. It did, and you both loved it, so let it glow in your eyes, but don't try to build on it for now. Now is the time to let your friend know that you value them as a friend. Spend time together doing what you used to love to do. Go out for drinks, and don't sexualize the evening. The best part about making love to a friend is that it doesn't always have to be about the eros or the emotion. It can and will be WHEN YOU WANT IT TO BE. And then it won't be WHEN YOU DON'T WANT IT TO BE. If you want to obsess over either eros or emotion, get a wife. Friends are only part-time lovers.

While you are placing the eros aside and focusing on the philos, don't disrespect your friend by flirting with other people in front of them. Although some friends will be okay with it, many will not, and it's important to keep the mutual respect at impeccable levels until you find out exactly where your comfort zones are. (While jealousy can be a great tool to gain attention in initial attraction phases, it's never polite to flirt with someone else in front of another person with whom you are already intimate, be they friend, fiance, or fuck-buddy, so don't do it.) Enjoy your friend's company, and show each other that, sex or no sex, you are friends first.

Because one of the best parts about making love to a friend is the flexibility that is built into the rapport, in this stage you may even want to down a few drinks while continuing to keep your hands off each other. This demonstrates to each other that it wasn't only the alcohol talking, that your sexual sides are entirely under your respective controls, and that you are perfectly capable of having a great time together and even drinking without necessarily falling into a pattern.

The limits are defined by you, and there are no ruts when making love to a friend. If you are able to keep intact the friend part of making love to a friend, your journey with us will continue.


How to Make Love to a Friend is an exclusive special feature of this blog. Visit us Monday evenings for new episodes in the How to Make Love to a Friend series.

If you would like to read the other parts in this series, you can find them at the following links:
Part 1: Eros
Part 2: Philos
Part 3: Agape
Part 4: Dangers

How to Make Love to a Friend

Part One: Eros
Making love to a friend is not only one of the best kinds of making love, it is also one of the best things you can do to a friend. Contrary to the Black Swan twins' recent re-emphasis in two similarly-titled movies (No Strings Attached and Friends with Benefits) of the tired, old Hollywood cliche that friends and sex don't mix, these two ingredients can actually make some of the most delicious of life's desserts.

When making love to a friend, it's important that both parties know what they want. Unfortunately, that is often the one thing neither is sure of. For instance, if you want to just get a fantasy out of the way and then get back to being only friends, you will have to do things differently than if you want to transform your friend into a potential romantic interest. Things must also be done completely differently if you want to keep your friendship on a sexual level and also keep your friendship.

Whatever you think your intentions are, getting a small taste of that other side of your friend can help clear things up for you considerably. Sample your friend, and you may be surprised at what you find. Maybe you and your friend won't be compatible in bed. Or maybe getting to know them in that way just once will bind you closer as friends than ever before. However things turn out, it is vitally important to ensure that your first taste of each other DOES NOT COUNT.

This is Eros, the first phase of making love to a friend. To make sure that it doesn't count, I highly recommend alcohol. Attend a wild party and drink just enough that both of you are able to say the next morning that you were not fully yourselves last night. Don't drink anything, though, that would keep you from completely enjoying your friend or remembering them. Extenuating circumstances will now allow you make instinctive overtures to your friend, as men and women are supposed to. This, as far as your basic instincts are concerned, is what the opposite sex, friend or foe, was created for, so don't be shy.

Feel free to go as far as the moment takes you during this initial phase; remember, it doesn't count. Thanks to the alcohol, no matter what happens, your plausible deniability will remain intact. Remember too, as the moment swirls around you, that, more than just a wild party, this is also research. It is a fantasy football team, a what-if scenario, an experiment that will remain completely off the books if you want it to or recur if the results are satisfactory.

If you decide you aren't sexually compatible with your friend, your journey with us ends here. The friend part will continue, but the making love part will stop. You will most likely find your friendship enriched, understand your friend in entirely different ways now, and have one more silly moment of past history to laugh about.

If you decide you are romantically attracted to your friend, your journey with us also ends here. While the making love part will probably continue, the friend part will most likely grind to a long, painful halt. You will have someone on whose shoulder you will temporarily be able to rest your head when the other fragments of your life begin to pile up, and you will be able to lose yourself for now in a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts. You should, however, begin looking for another friend.

If you decide that you and your friend make magic together, both on the kitchen counter and off, welcome aboard; your journey with us has just begun.


How to Make Love to a Friend is an exclusive special feature of this blog. Visit us Monday evenings for new episodes in the How to Make Love to a Friend series.

If you would like to read the other parts in this series, you can find them at the following links:
Part 1: Eros
Part 2: Philos
Part 3: Agape
Part 4: Dangers

Let's Go Get Raped!

Sex, drugs, alcohol - yawn, boring. These things have been an idolized part of pop culture for so long that they no longer turn heads. They have been firmly cemented into our party psyche to where it's a regular thing to cruise high, pop a bottle, and get laid. Regular Friday night. No big deal. What's next?

How about rape?

Well, date rape. And, actually, BEING raped, to be exact.

As an avid pop culture/party observer/goer, I am as fascinated by the latest in revelry trends as the next guy. Also like him, I like to keep an eye on the future - sort of try to predict what might be the next big thing on the party menu. And it has come to my attention that it is becoming increasingly popular to wake up after a weekend of partying and have little idea of what you've just done - or been done to.

A trend probably started by 2009's The Hangover, waking up clueless after a party has since become such a cliche that it sounds trite just mentioning it. That's because it is following the path previously taken by sex, drugs, and alcohol toward a thorough de-mystification, regularization, and integration into modern party culture.

The Hangover was so brilliant that it skyrocketed its three formerly unknown stars into immediate fame, made almost $500 million dollars to date, won a Golden Globe, and inspired a rash of music and film references, as well as a sequel. It essentially made 'forgetting' cool.

Thank you, Hangover.

Waking up clueless is difficult to do with alcohol but easy as pie, as depicted in the films, with roofies and other anti-remembering pills. These pills are most well-known for their rape-related side effects. Forgetting comes with pills, which come with rape.

Tonight, Tonight, by Hot Chelle Rae, currently number 12 on Billboard's US Pop chart and number 20 on their US Hot 100 chart, states: I woke up with a strange tattoo - not sure how I got it, not a dollar in my pocket - and it kinda looks just like you mixed with Zack Galifianakis.

Smile, by Avril Lavigne, which peaked at number 36 on the US Pop chart, says: Last night I blacked out, I think - what did you put in my drink? This was done to her by someone she is in love with. She lists the fragmented things she remembers doing, comments on her obligatory new tattoo, and then says she'd do it all over again.

Good Life, by OneRepublic, currently at 16 on the US Hot 100 and 6 on the US Adult Pop charts, talks about waking up in a strange city, having no idea how he got there, but having some pictures on his phone.

Last Friday Night, by Katy Perry, currently number 4 on the US Hot 100 chart, is entirely devoted to describing a scene similar to the post-party Hangovers. There's a stranger in her bed, a warrant out for her arrest, and she's trying to connect the dots. Last night is a blacked out blur and she thinks she kissed someone but she forgot.

Then there are the many less-obvious references. Big Sean's My Last has a verse dedicated to waking up not remembering anything. Katy Perry's ET discloses how she wants to get filled with poison, abducted, and become a victim. The album containing Sleeping With Sirens' hit song Do It Now, Remember It Later peaked at 78 on Billboard's Hot 200 and hit number 5 in the Hard Rock chart.

The weirdest thing about this latest rash of date rape songs is how in each case the drugging has happened to the artists themselves, possibly self-inflicted or possibly done to them by someone else. They are thrilled with it and, in many cases, state explicitly how they can't wait to do it again.

Now that my point has been proven, let me emphasize that I'm no naysaying conservative and I'm definitely NOT a conspiracy theorist. This is just information, for better or for worse.

There may be a day in the near future where it's the cool thing to wake up sore, scarred, and clueless. Don't think it couldn't happen - it wasn't that long ago that Elvis was banned from the MTVs of his era for doing what by today's standards is a slightly comical dance. Rendering yourself clueless could very well be the next big thing, if it isn't already.

Where will you be?

JJ's Guide to Having Sex

or How to Pick the Ones That Are Right for You



This blog has tried to stick to a loosely confederated ally of 2 topics dear to my heart: sex and music. Now the dynamic has changed a bit. One saga has ended, the old Family has closed, Family music has found a different place in the pecking order, survival of the fittest taking its toll on our childhood sweethearts

You've also all grown up and can get laid on your own now: there are literally billions to pick from. Congratulations.
With so much variety, it is no longer necessary to grab whatever you can get. Many of you will come to a point where you'll realize you need to stop trying to get laid and start refining your tastes a little. I know you know most of this, but I hope this short guide can be of some help to you.
I divide up what I look for in a lover into 6 simple categories. There are the 3 timeless principles of face, body, and personality, and I have added 3 more of my personal selection, motion, fantasy, and click.

Face
There are a million different kinds of pretty. You may be an 'eyes' guy (or girl) and not notice the incredibly out of proportion mouth or the crooked nose. You may be a lips guy and overlook the conventionally hottest outsider at the club because her lips aren't your style. That's okay. Appealing to your very own niche market is the important thing here.

Body
Again, different tastes. Ricky likes feet. He doesn't care if the woman is half his height. Frank is a thigh guy. I obsess on the kiss-ability of necks and collarbones. An important thing to remember is that a good body is not just a shallow quality, it also means responsible health habits and good self esteem--2 important qualities that lead into our next section.

Personality
This is an even more difficult one to judge. Maybe she's just being nice to you, but is actually a spoiled brat to the rest of the world. Or there's the up/down way of looking at it--being an optimist, I tend to gravitate toward other optimists. But then, even I don't mind the occasional downer to even things out. See, even personality, the quality that altruistic lovers wave in the faces of the more carnal among us, is highly subjective. Good thing there are 3 more qualities to look at.

Motion
Ahh, the hypnotism of motion. I know a girl who has average looks and an average body. She has a fair enough personality in my opinion, but when she moves, you can't take your eyes off her. She is my type of motion from the flick in her wrist to the grinding in her hips. Fortunately, MQ (motility quotient), the intelligence of motion, can be learned--knowing what pleases a man isn't rocket science--and when it is present, it's a beautiful thing.

Fantasy
We all have our dream girls, that intangible goddess that defines perfection in our minds. She might even be confined to your subconscious but she's there. She is what attracts you to that nondescript stranger at first sight. It isn't love! That stranger looks a little like your goddess, that's it! And the closer she comes to looking like her, the more attracted you are as illogical as it may be. It's not your fault.

Click
But by far my favorite quality in a woman is the click. She's not your type. She's too narrow in the hips. She's a bitch to everyone else. She's clumsy. But...
The click is exactly what it sounds like. We just clicked for no reason at all. I'm in her mind and she's burrowing into mine. I will avoid using the term wavelength because it's trite. The click can actually override all 5 other qualities and is possibly the reason Beyoncé married Jay-Z. Sometimes the universe steps in.

There it is, you're on your own now. No, don't worry, I'll still be here, popping back up with an occasional two cents. But I know you'll make the right choices and may all the Style and Mystery be with you. The best of luck!

How to Create a Condom Splatter Painting

Step 1: Cut three pieces of poster board, one slightly wider than the other two. Paint surfaces with the background color of your choice (I chose brown, but do not recommend this color). Allow to dry.

Step 2: You have little control over shapes, but this painting is all about colors. Choose your paint colors wisely. You may choose two base colors to form a general landscape for your painting, and a variety of supplementary colors to fill in spaces with.

Step 3: Arrange newspaper or garbage bags on the floor and place your three prepared poster boards in a row in the middle, spaced the same distance apart as they will be on your wall.

Step 4: Using a funnel, fill one condom halfway full with the base paint color of your choice (mine was red). Tie condom securely leaving no air inside.

Step 5: Throw condom at poster boards repeatedly until it bursts, creating your first splatter pattern. Allow to dry.

Step 6: Repeat with second base paint color of your choice (blue, for me). Make sure the angle and color of this splatter are contrasting with that of your first. Allow to dry.

Step 7: Drip remaining colors onto your painting as desired. Get creative, violent at times. Aim to create contrasts.

If hung on your wall, a painting such as this should give you a lot to contemplate on when looked at.

.

Did You Know That...

...whenever I am trying to put a label on a post, I have to cycle through all the letters of the alphabet to see which labels I already have, and which one(s) fit the post best? Because I don't have the faintest idea what my labels say, and I don't wanna create a whole new one for each post! Now THAT would be terrible! (FOR EXAMPLE: the post where i go on and on about how i choose labels for my posts) (OR: i still can't get over how cool this label thing is)
So here I go, Q, W, E, R.......

Love, Joe.



PS UPDATE
HEY. FDTP ROCKS. INTERNET IS SO CARNAL HERE. NOT TO MENTION FAR (the article above is a draft that I wrote before I left...hehe). AM LEARNING A LOT. 13 HOUR SHIFTS WILL DO THAT TO YOU. AM ALSO ENJOYING A LOT.
ONE THING I DON´T HAVE TIME TO DO IS GO THROUGH ALL THE RECENT COMMENTS AND EDIT THEM. I WILL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BUT FOR NOW, IF THERE IS ANYTHING UNEDIFYING, FORGIVE ME, FORGIVE THEM, LOOK AWAY. AND TO YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE DOING THE WHOLE STAR WARS THING BELOW, ENOUGH OKAY. THANKS!