My Ten Million.
The funniest thing...
I was just sitting here, thinking about what I could blog about. I was going to give you a stirring treatise on singleness and comparisons, when I received the strangest bit of junk mail in my inbox, which I have decided to share with you.
The depths people will go these days to get into your pocketbook.
I don't believe in signing up to online things with my legal name, even email accounts. Don't care to get a ton of junk with my name signed to it if I don't have to, plus if I make a mistake, anyway I have my reasons. Many of you do too. So I sign up for things with a pseudonym I invented at the age of 13, before I knew about the X-men: Wolv E. Rine. A childish fantasy that involves tearing into things with my teeth. Don't ask.
Anyway, I get this letter into my inbox, addressed to Mr. Rine.
My comments in... well, bright green.
FROM HON BARRISTER HENRY DURU ("hon" is for "honorable", mind you)
THE ROYAL LAW CHAMBERS LOME-TOGO (the extremely ROYAL law chambers, this is great!)
P.O BOX 158 RUE DE BUELAVAD LOME-TOGO
E-MAIL:email@example.com (CA? As in Canada? Oh yeah, that would be Lome-Togo, Canada.)
Dear Rine , (Wait, I smell a rat...)
SUB:URGENT & CONFIDENTIAL MATTER (Oh, don't tell anyone. It's confidential.)
I am Barrister Henry Duru (Solicitor (emphasis on)/ Advocate) and personal/family Attorney to the late Mr Philip Rine (Mr. PHILIP Rine, heheh, now that's a good one. Oh, little Philly, my long lost brother!!) , a national of your country, who used to be assistant financial director of chevron (Not even the courtesy to capitalize proper nouns. Ya almost had me there.) petroleum company plc, in Lome Togo(West Africa) (West Africa? Hmm, must be a state in Canada), herein shall be referred to, as my client (Why? I liked the name Philly! Or sometimes Fatso Chicken Guts, if we were in a bad mood. Good old Philly.) On the 21st of April 2002, my client, his wife and their two children were involved in the Kenya Airways flight air crash (Oh no. Not Philly!) with registration number 5Y-BEN (Really? 5Y-BEN? That flight was said to be indestructible!) which departed from Nairobi to destination in Lome-Togo capital and, (Why is a comma there, Mr. Honourable Henry Duru? I'd better not get into the atrocious punctuation. Can I call you Hon?) all the family died in this fatal air mishap on 21st April 2002. Ever since then, I have made several enquries to his embassy to locate any of my client (Eerrggghh. That's it, I'm ignoring the punctuation AND the spelling.) extended relatives but this has also proved unsuccessful. Before he died, my client has (AND the grammar.) the sum of US$10.440,000.00 (Ten Million, Four hundred and Fourty Thousand US Dollars) in his private account with Eco Bank,(ECO BANQUE DE AFRIQUE) here in Lome-Togo (West Africa ) (Whoa, ten million bucks. So good old Philly made it good out there in the world? He always said he would strike gold.).Note, my client deposited these fund before his unfortunate demise (Really? I had the idea he put it in AFTER he died. Poor old Philly. He was such a good guy.), and of which I have the whole documents to the fund as his Attorney here in Lome Togo.Therefore i seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased, since you have the same last name with my client (Yippee! Ten million!) .So i decided to contact you as the next of kin. For an easy communication, i will require your private telephone numbers (Really? Why? Oh well, ten million!) and, immediately (Immediately. Getting me my ten million is on the top of your to do list.) start the neccessary step that will enable you claim these stipulated fund from the Bank, within 21 working days.Finally, every further information regarding to this fund will be disclosed to you as soon as i confide my trust in you, that you will never take undue advantage of the fund upon the claim of the money from the Bank (Who me? Oh, nope, never, I promise. I'm super honourable too.).NOTE :Percentage terms will also be discussed with you before we proceed. (What's that, like YOU getting the entire contents of my bank account, and ME getting wiser in the process? Good thing I don't have a bank account. You are conning the wrong guy. You will regret picking on a Rine.)
Awaiting your prompt response;
Best Regards ,
Barr.Henry Duru (Esq),
(I don't know.)