Thursday, November 03, 2005

A Nobel Prize, Please.

I have finally figured out a solution to one of the world's problems.
Bear with me, I may wax a bit scientific.
The problem, many of you may be familiar with it, is the anti-rocking-on-chair sentiment that has recently arisen in our godless world as we race towards the end. Now I know how you feel. You can't actually SIT on a chair that has all four legs on the ground. Nonsense. What do they expect? It is insulting to the anti-equilibrists in the world to even suggest such a thing.
Sure they have a case. Supposedly rocking contributes to extra strain on the legs of the chair, contributing to faster chair decay. That is a good point, although it has never been proven. Do not let even the very chair-rocking elect be deceived.
But let's argue on their grounds.
Challenging an enemy on his own turf has never been advisable. This time though, I think I have a new weapon.
Rocking may put extra strain on the two legs rocked onto, but then puts zero strain on the two free legs. Suppose you have rocked backwards. You may have contributed to the decaying of the two back legs of the chair a little faster, but with the exact same action you have actually contributed to the preservation of the two front legs. You have completely eradicated the terrible, oppressive stress put on them by normal sitters (equilibrists) and the normal action of sitting (equibrilizing).
Therefore, by alternating the legs you rock onto--forward one day, back one day, even side to side occasionally--you are possibly preserving your chair for much longer than one normal chair lifespan. The chair may even live longer than chairs did before the flood. You can even turn your chair around (a favourite of mine), and STILL rock backward, only this time on the front legs.
Let us christen this day an International Chair-Rocking Day, and unite, regardless of race or background, in a unified worldwide drive of rocking on our chairs... uh... for World Peace. Let us bond together as brothers and show the world our love and brotherhood manifested through... uh... rocking on our chairs. All together now.
International Chair-Rocking Day is a Scorpio. I love Scorpios!
And if they persecute you in one chair, flee ye into another.



At 7:56 pm, Blogger crazynik said...

but for those who haven't learned the finer art of chair rocking, which you have so articulately pointed out to us... I'd have to advise them not to, as it's ruined all the chairs we have here in our home
Happy Chair Rocking Day

At 11:00 am, Anonymous Gio said...

Joe, to deserve a Novel prize (with a V) you have to discover something important. Like LEGOS.

I love chair-rocking.


At 6:09 pm, Anonymous candina said...

Dear Joe,
This is Clare. I love and miss you.
Love, Clare
P.S. I don't have your e-mail address, so if you have mine can drop me a line? That way I can send you wedding photos.

At 5:59 pm, Anonymous Administrator said...

My Clare!
Hmm, wedding photos? Not so my Clare anymore.
Just kidding. Glad you made it. Heard about your marriage. Wish you the best.
My email is:
Send me those wedding photos. I hear you were quite the streaker.


At 5:31 pm, Blogger Liz said...

scorpios DO have an edge...
i'm not being conceited. *muahaha*

At 9:26 am, Anonymous Administrator said...

YOU are a scorpio? Alright!


At 6:29 am, Blogger Dave said...

Hey if you really want to preserve the chairs just nail the chairs to the floor.

At 5:41 pm, Anonymous Administrator said...

That would defeat my goal which is to be free from gravity.



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