Saturday, October 24, 2009

Date an Outsider

As part of the Change Program and re-evaluating our official stances on everything, I would like to suggest a minor change.

In secular society, many workplaces have what they call a "no inter-office relationship" policy. This means that no dating, non-sexual affection, or sex, is allowed between co-workers. There are many reasons for this--favoritism between a leader / team member in a relationship, debilitating office gossip that tends to follow inter-office romance, tension that occurs when one partner wants to end it before the other--even cases of sexual harassment.

But the main reason inter-office relationships are frowned on is that it creates in the workplace an unfavorable climate towards ...working. Workplace decisions should not be clouded by the possibly career-impacting influence that stems from an emotionally charged atmosphere. So "fishing off the company pier" is looked on negatively, and "getting your honey where you get your money" is discouraged.

In the Family we now have a longer term vision, and just like we're learning the hard way about higher education, secular employment and schooling, etc, I wonder if we either should now or will eventually have to come to grips with the inter-office dating that runs rampant through our workplaces.

People, we should only allow sex / dating / relationships with outsiders! This would mean, conversely, no sex / dating / relationships whatsoever with other Family members (with the possible complication / exception of marriage).

If you are allowed to date your witnessing partner, you can't help but eventually consider it. Soon, your work time and energies, instead of going toward the Offensive begin to be taken up by small emotional conflicts and quickies. You start holding hands when you're out, and eventually you're thinking more about what your partner is wearing / thinking, instead of feeding the sheep sitting before you.

All of this is augmented considerably if he or she is the only person you can feasibly date in your entire city or area.

Very few people, devout Christians or not, are mature enough to separate their professional and personal lives when the two come into such close contact. Human nature craves too much that interaction with your significant or not-so-significant other. The lines gray between work and play, and when there is an area witnessing offensive, manpower flocks to it, abandoning their own works. --But not for the witnessing as much as the sex. And then entire stable missionary works can be upset by the accidental babies that occur in opposite ends of the continent.

And life becomes difficult when you have to continue living with or having contact with someone after it's over. If one of you doesn't move far away or stop frequenting the same places, then there is a mountain of working out to be done, usually during work hours. Either way, the Offensive takes the hit. Although we're all very dedicated people and experts in many spiritual areas, I don't know if you can expect us to be relationship experts too.

If you want to be successful in your work life and communal life, support the Date-an-Outsider project--and keep your personal life where it belongs.

Trust me, i know.


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62 Comments:

At 7:53 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lame........

 
At 8:37 am, Blogger thisisme said...

exceptionally so

 
At 2:17 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay, joe, some of that a was a little off...like only being able to date outsiders..thats not grand. The family isn't a business, and we dont need that rule to be professional. The change that should occur would be that your allowed to date outsiders, and members. Its a grand idea.

 
At 6:26 pm, Anonymous Administrator said...

i'm not trying 2 b popular here with this 1. obviously many of u who haven't had very much of sex with other family members will want 2 keep this option open 2 u and that's understandable. but u also have 2 understand the problems that it comes with.
i know many of u do a lot of home-hopping, something that is not encouraged at this point in history, or healthy for the work. but when u finally find that place, settle down in it, and start actually building with ur team, i think u'll come 2 the same conclusion as me.
now, whether communal living is optional in the future or not may change things. also, i'm all for MARRYING other family members, and not outsiders--that's only logical. and it is preferable 2 at least date a little bit b4 marriage, 2 get 2 know ur partner. yes.

but personally, if i had the option 2 choose between possibly disrupting our entire process of making disciples of every single nation with the unexceptional emotional interruption of either infatuation or repulsion that comes with everyday dating, OR just simply stick 2 dating outsiders only ...........i would never have sex with another family member again.

they're just far too valuable 2 risk that.

 
At 12:56 pm, Blogger Flo-flo said...

Joe is just bitter guys. We do love him though. I totally understand you Joe. But I don't like your rule, cuz I kinda like my bf. lol

 
At 9:18 pm, Anonymous Joan said...

hahahhah that was funny.

 
At 11:50 pm, Blogger Alyx said...

ha-ha. good stuff.

 
At 1:43 am, Anonymous DaveG said...

No one ever follows that rule in workplaces. Ever. Anywhere. No one. The only people who follow it are the people who are too ugly to get laid.

Trust me, I know... from pleasant, pleasant experience.

 
At 1:18 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also don't agree with this. If feeding the sheep is a business, then yes, it would be distracting. However, if the reason both your and the-girl-stroking-your-leg-under-the-follow-up-table's reason for witnessing was love, then it doesn't have to be. It's simple.

 
At 3:04 am, Anonymous Dave said...

From what I've seen in my part of the world most sex is with people in other homes. I do agree that it can be a distraction but you can't just outright ban it.

 
At 1:21 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, I absolutely think Amaranthine should date an outsider. Seeing love and romance through their eyes would be very enlightening.
In the past Joe has abased dating some one in his home, so he dates a girl in another home, and now it seems prefers one out of the family altogether.
The problem is clearly not our family policies or (may I add) precious women. Family members are very capable of having mature loving relationships while keeping their work and priorities in focus. The most beautiful thing about the family is our love, our law of love and wither or not we chose to open the gates to dating outside our ranks I think the love we have for one another must be preserved at all costs, otherwise we will face losing valuable members who felt they could do better outside the family, very true.
The key is personal integrity and accountability as has been touch on quite a bit recently. I can see Joe's point that brake ups are hard, we've all been through it, however, its a very inmature relationship that makes one feel they must change fields or move away once it's over, that remark pretty much spells it all out and underlines how shallow with post was. Love suffers long and is still kind.
GBY Joe, praying for you.

 
At 12:52 pm, Blogger Luther said...

unlike all these sad, sad people commenting on ur post... i actually like the idea! just think of how much better cervantino would have gone if we had all put this advice into practice.
and the "praying for you" comment: haven't laughed that hard in a while... =D

 
At 1:47 pm, Anonymous Administrator said...

it's 1 of my exes......never mind

 
At 2:38 am, Blogger M@RT!N said...

iKnow is the best

 
At 2:54 am, Anonymous federico de la fuente said...

well sex in the family is sapposed to be a form of love, so it would be retarded to ban it.

 
At 7:31 am, Blogger Neo said...

Joe.....I think this must be the first time I strongly disagree with you.
While I wouldn't mind if they allowed sex with outsiders, I would be very peeved if they banned sex with members -that would be insane.
Besides, even if they allowed sex with outsiders, I probably wouldn't do it. Just like I'm not going to get a system job, go to university, get pumped up with vaccines, or try to become friends with Don Irwin -others may but I'd rather not.

 
At 1:13 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

who's don irwin? he keeps trying to add me to his facebook

 
At 6:53 am, Blogger Lea said...

Anon: Don Irwin is a very,very bitter ex member who's not shy about his hatred/disgust for the Family

I wouldn't add him if I were you--unless you're him of course

 
At 6:59 am, Blogger Lea said...

PS Joe--I'm no longer in the Family, but I think I could safely say that banning all inter-famliy sexual contact seems a bit extreme. I consider it one of those grey areas that each person should be able to decide for themselves.

Besides if you've had dating experience with non family members then you would know that it can get tiresome to not be able to have any common ground. The Family is very exclusive is the things they know, the lingo, the jokes..everything that makes a 'family member'--and having to constantly push that aside or go into a lengthy explanation gets a bit old. trust me "I know" too.

To each his own right?

 
At 5:32 am, Blogger Mark said...

Are you brain-dead 'cause your logic is seriously screwed-up, dude?

"i'm all for MARRYING other family members, and not outsiders--that's only logical. and it is preferable 2 at least date a little bit b4 marriage, 2 get 2 know ur partner. yes."

My ass. like you're going to find the person you're marrying without dating people? you're going to "date b4 marriage 2 get 2 know ur partner" how do you know if you'll even end up marrying them.

 
At 5:25 pm, Anonymous Joy said...

Sex and relationships in the Family are screwed as it is. Of course we re all gonna fuck, cause we live together! If your even mildly attracted to someone you live with, you ll usually end up fucking them. Thats why theres so many marriages just because of kids that break up years later, and all those "law of love" dramas. Etc etc. Take away ALL bans on sex, and get rid of the mystery. If someone wants to be in the Family, they wont need someone holding their hand and dictating their "needful limits" for relationships. The Family needs to get over it!

 
At 4:52 pm, Anonymous David said...

hmmm..... hahahahaha I had a good laugh about all this. Hey I had another idea! Why don't we all just become celibate! That would certainly cut down on time spent in relationships altogether! woah, talk about ppprrrrofessional!

 
At 10:46 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Joy. I think above all The Family needs to get over with their undying obsession with being 100% involved in everyone's relationships and affairs. Ditch the Law of Love.. seriously the promotion of adultery does nothing other then heighten the divorce rate and the amount of single mothers and children who will never have a real father.
P.S. Neo: Besides, even if they allowed sex with outsiders, I probably wouldn't do it. Just like I'm not going to get a system job, go to university, get pumped up with vaccines, or try to become friends with Don Irwin -others may but I'd rather not.
"System" job? you mean a real job. one that requires you to do something other then clean bathroom floors and hand out the occasional tract. You might not want to advertise that you're not going to uni.. its probably the least intelectually advanced thing i've ever heard you say. "pumped up with vaccines?" You make it sound like thats the equivalent to shooting up heroin and popping eccies. For once the Family is actually making changes that will hopefully propel it into the latest century. People with your "stuck-in-a-rut" mindsets are dragging it back to the middle ages. Get with the times.

 
At 1:47 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:59 pm, Blogger jason said...

joy does bring out a good point about the living/attraction/fucking/kids principle. that really gets my goat!

you know Hoe, you never seem to have a good idea by itself, you always need to attach a bad one to it to spark controversy.

so what do you propose if someone sexes a fellow family member? put them on PS and forbid them from sexing non family members?

 
At 10:02 pm, Blogger jason said...

btw, we toasted you at VB the other day? up for some more?

 
At 5:16 am, Anonymous Jacob said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 6:59 am, Blogger Lea said...

lol..wow..amazing how people invest so much time and effort in ranting and raving on someone's personal opinion posted on his personal blog.

Come on people,
live and let live!

 
At 8:26 am, Anonymous Administrator said...

i'm flattered that ppl are finally reading my blog again. but anti-family comments still get moderated.

4 u who complain about the "dominant preoccupation with sex," u should probably be informed that this is predominantly a sex blog and so lots of juicy discussions will continue 2 take place.

 
At 12:26 am, Anonymous Jacob said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:11 pm, Blogger Elizabeth said...

Wow, it's discussions like these that made me stop living in Family Homes. I went MM because so many Family members are so difficult to live with, so opinionated and obsessed with their own righteousness.

 
At 12:44 am, Anonymous Jacob said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 10:27 pm, Anonymous Jacob said...

I've told you nothing that you havn't had the ability to see with your own eyes, and shared conclusions which you have the intellegence to reach. I have quoted scripture-- Jesus' own words-- and you have sensored it all. These comments which contain more Christian content than this blog has yet seen are unaccepted and deleted. St. Peter instructs us to have an answer to him that ask and a reason for your belief but you are ignorant and indifferent to the issues that I have diplomatically broached you have no defense or explanation for your poor Christianity. I have nothing more to say and no more time to waste here. Reason is powerless against those who deny it. Retain your assenine gratuity to one day present to your maker if that's what you want.I have no more obligation to you.

 
At 10:33 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

intelligence*



Please do continue to attack me, not my Family.



(censored*)
(asinine*)

 
At 3:32 am, Blogger Mark said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:53 am, Anonymous joe said...

i feel absolutely no pressure or obligation 2 answer the same old parochial anti-family accusations. those have been answered a million times. he knows where 2 look.

i feel no need 2 address any anti-me accusations, i'm a terrible terrible person, bring it on.

i do feel a bitter sting of irony when someone criticizing my intelligence...misspells intelligence. that's all. perhaps u missed the fortuity.

joe.

 
At 8:36 pm, Blogger Mark said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:22 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 3:03 pm, Blogger Mark said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:14 pm, Blogger Flo-flo said...

OMG this is soooo funny how people are getting all freaky over this! Get a life, you guys.You're getting all touchy over something that has nothing to do with you and isn't really any of your business. It's an opinion and every one has their own and no one wants to hear all your BS

 
At 6:25 am, Blogger Mark said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:15 am, Anonymous joe said...

like i already said, as long as u stick 2 bitching amongst urselves, or insulting me, u will be allowed 2 make a fool of urself as much as u like here. i have nothing 2 say 2 that, i think everybody needs 2 vent!

it's only when u start trying 2 break down ppls' faith by pissing on the family, that ur comment gets deleted. clear?

my blog is a totalitarian state, and those r the rules. if u wanna discuss family beliefs, u can do it somewhere else.

joe.

 
At 5:49 pm, Blogger Clara said...

Lol. I think you like this stuff Joe (bad controversy).
I think it's noble of you to defend the Family, but I think your going about it wrong. Plus, If you really want to make sure your blog is a good representation of the Family, you may want to delete this post and a number of others.

 
At 7:57 pm, Anonymous joe said...

thank u 4 ur opinion. if u think that an article on how 2 obtain a more professional work life and more successful long term witnessing strategy through maintaining a greater degree of respect 4 ur co-workers is a poor REPRESENTATION of THE FAMILY, u r welcome 2 believe that. maybe u just like having sex with all ur witnessing partners, and r probably just ignorant of or oblivious to the proven long term effects--the reasons why it is frowned deeply upon in professional society.

personally, neither defending nor representing 'the family' is my objective with this site. this is a sex blog (with a few sidetracks here and there), relating 2 u my personal opinions on how 2 obtain a better sex life.

defending/representing the family, i will leave 2 the appropriate boards and committees. THAT'S WHY NEGATIVE DISCUSSION OF FAMILY BELIEFS IS NOT ALLOWED ON THIS SITE. i don't wanna get in2 it. the word says it, i believe it; that's all i need 2 know.

man but some just do not get the point!

 
At 8:09 pm, Anonymous joe said...

i love u clara!

 
At 10:29 pm, Blogger Jason said...

I have also have a few things to say about this post and conversation.

Firstly: you referred to this post as "an article on how 2 obtain a more professional work life and successful long term witnessing", but clearly that isn't ALL that it is. If it were as benign and agreeable as that, then why are so many people offended by it? Furthermore if all that you had intended was an irenic sharing of your views and uncontroversial ideas of practical consequence, then you would have been concerned when it was clear that a number of your readers were offended. You would have clarified something, or opologised for being insensitive, or acted in some way that represented such a motive. But in reality you didn't act that way, you havn't demonstrated any reason to believe that you motives were as honest or as fair as you claim, you have been cursing and squabbling and using your administrative options to make a "totalitarian state".
So maybe your being just a little disingenuous here pal. I mean, what are the odds that 60% of your posts just happen to illicit this same response? No, I think Clara is right, you love dirty controversy. Just own up to it.

Secondly: You claim that this blog isn't here to represent the Family, but are you not a Family member? Are you not trying to "stick up" for the Family? Well doing those things is what it means to "represent" the Family. As a Family member you are inherently a representative of the Family. You aren't an official spokesperson for the Family, but that's fairly obvious. Everything you do and say DOES represent the Family. And I want to press this point and insist that you are also representing God and the greater Christian church by your words and behavior. You can't just say "this is a sex blog, it doesn't represent the Family" because as long as you are a Family member, as long as you are disputing Family policies, as long as you are defending the Family, you are by association REPRESENTING the Family and Christianity. The word Christian almost means "representative" and the whole point of the movement is representation. So naturally you (yes you) are accountable to other Family members and Christians for the way you behave and for the things that you publicly affirm. It's rediculous to assume that your actions and words are of no consequence to us who share your professed cause. As long as you profess to be a Christian and Family member you'll need to expect criticism for your over-the-top dirty blog controversy. The question that you need to ask is: is this a sex blog or is it a Christian Family member blog? Clearly there is a difference.

Lastly: I'll ask you one time to keep your assumptions about my wifes private matters to yourself and off of this blog. Clara is a lady and I demand that you treat her with the respect that's due to a lady.

 
At 7:31 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll ask you one time, and then I'll beat your head off with my opinion.

 
At 7:14 pm, Anonymous joe said...

ya 4 real dude, ur whole 'opinion' thing is just so wordy and probably conflictive i'm not even gonna read it. no wonder no1 goes 2 ur blog anymore.....geesh


anyway dude i think if clara wanted 2 spar, she can fight her own fights......
or is that not allowed 4 her, u just keep her in the house 2 cook and serve u


hahahah....don't get all offended------tongue in cheek my friend

...but u have 2 admit it's a little rude getting in some1's own face 2 bash at them

unless u were agreeing with me........that would be cool

 
At 8:59 am, Blogger Mark said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:15 am, Blogger Mark said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:04 am, Anonymous joe said...

language marky. ur comments were just too mindless, gutter-talking, intellectually insulting nonsense....to leave on my site. sorry my friend.

try saying the same exact things, without all the vulgarity.

 
At 7:32 am, Blogger Mark said...

RE: "language marky. ur comments were just too mindless, gutter-talking, intellectually insulting nonsense....to leave on my site. sorry my friend.try saying the same exact things, without all the vulgarity."


Does "mindless, gutter-talking, intellectually insulting nonsense", in your language, mean something you can't answer because you're dumbfounded? I'm still waiting for some sort of reply...
You haven't been able to do anything to defend yourself except the following:

1. delete peoples' comments
2. criticize peoples' spelling, grammar, & choice of language
4. criticize peoples' blogs
5. question peoples' intelligence simply because they ticked you off...

... all the while providing nothing valid to disprove what we say.

if you're a man possessing even the slightest bit of intellect you would at least try to give people the impression that you read our comments & understood the content, even if you're obviously wrong.

and if I said "the exact same things without the vulgarity" would you actually answer me this time?? If you will then I'd give it a shot... Oh but I guess not! I knew you just said that as an excuse to delete my comment so you wouldn't have to try & answer something you obviously couldn't without embarrassing yourself or sounding like a genuine dick.

BTW insulting someone's blog & totally ignoring everything they said

 
At 7:43 am, Blogger Mark said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 8:34 am, Anonymous joe said...

good job with the 1st comment! i'm proud of u.

not so good with that 2nd 1, what happened? let's try it again, this time civilized.............

 
At 9:35 am, Blogger Mark said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:40 am, Blogger Mark said...

Besides you said it yourself, if we're only dissing you we'll just be making fools of ourselves. Then why delete? Unless it stings somewhere.

 
At 11:04 am, Anonymous joe said...

i only delete ur comments when they r filled with uncouth language and rude word pictures. keep trying.

 
At 8:01 am, Anonymous joe said...

mark, u bore me. u r repetitive, and vulgar. i have decided 2 delete all but 2 of ur comments. bye.

 
At 7:07 am, Anonymous Dave said...

Joe I'd like you to clarify if it indeed was you who posted on my blog today. I really hope it wasn't you and just someone who hacked into your account. --- Dave

 
At 9:23 am, Blogger Amaranthine said...

haha dude of course it wasn't. it was mark: http://www.blogger.com/profile/02001887616737674398

 
At 8:04 am, Blogger Dave said...

thanks for clearing that up.

 
At 7:23 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

david berg said to the boys one time if their isnt a girl around go out and get them

 

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