Monday, July 31, 2006

The Guys' Rules

(And while we're on the subject of girls and their evils, here is an anonymous masterpiece I would like to share with you.)

The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5. Crying is blackmail.
6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
12. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
14. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
15. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
16. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
17. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not ! a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
18. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.... Really.
22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
23. You have enough clothes.
24. You have too many shoes.
25. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[Reprinted without permission, but with full disclosure of outside ownership.]


At 11:07 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahahha nice one joe..alot of it is really rite on...


At 3:06 pm, Blogger Ruth Cortejos said...

Haha...i've read this one before!

At 12:10 pm, Blogger Add some Pie! said...

hahaha.. I love it!!

At 12:47 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha, bro i bet you would do anything a hot chic wanted you to do:)

At 4:17 pm, Anonymous Gio said...

This one is worth repeating:

"Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!"

And Joe, Christopher Columbus died a failure in a place half a planet away from where he wanted to go. Remember?


At 8:00 am, Blogger ditzydevil said...

haha some of these were good.
but some sounded like they came from someone who has no idea what it means to love, and to compromise out of love.

At 9:48 am, Blogger Joan said...

yea, kidna sounded like a beach bum. But funny anyways, that last one was cut-->

"I am in shape. Round is a shape".


At 12:41 am, Blogger Joanna Claire said...

I'm with you Ditzy. But it was funny....

At 10:45 am, Anonymous me said...

lol, u guyz are such ass holes

At 4:41 am, Blogger Dave said...

Not all men enjoy sleeping on couches. I know I don't.

At 5:54 pm, Blogger J.M said...

yes i got that same impression, ditzydevil.
and no girl wants to walk into a bathroom and be greeted with a toilet rim spattered with urine. so since most guys are too lazy to wipe if they do leak over everything, the least you can do is COVER it!

At 7:43 pm, Blogger maria said...

Ohhh that was sooo great! and so true,
We Love you Guys.and it is great that one of you actually took the time to write that down!
and I was sure glad to hear that sleeping on the couch is like camping for you--Ha


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